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Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones
i WeaR THe CoLouRS oF THe NiGHT iN My RoBeS... i FLiT FRoM oNe WaRM PLaCe To THe NeXT aND DRaW ouT THe iNNoCeNT...
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...life is FEARLESS...

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      • The Right Guy is...
      • The Right One
      • You're not...
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      • Real Vampires
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...life is FEARLESS...

Finding My Way  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Inspiring Words

Finding My Way

I was directionless in my life until a young girl's friendship showed me the way.

I started college when I was sixteen years old. It was a big, scary place, and I was young. I remember standing in line for registration with the hordes of other people. I felt so insecure and inadequate next to those who were my supposed peers. How would I ever measure up to these people who seemed so confident and sure of what they wanted?

I didn't have any specific direction. I didn't have a clue as to what I wanted to do or be. College was just the next logical step. I felt very much out of place. To me, these people around me embodied my picture of the consummate college student. They stood there laughing with their friends, a cup of coffee in one hand, the schedule of classes in the other, discussing their options for the upcoming semester. Me, I had a list of classes on a piece of paper that I had painstakingly worked out with my big brother the night before. If I didn't get those particular classes, I was sunk. The idea of having a backup plan never even occurred to me. What would I do? I would just die. I knew that crying wasn't an option - I was in college for heaven's sake! Maybe throwing up would be a more socially acceptable reaction. I was alone, nervous and feeling like a cartoon in a museum of priceless paintings.

When the first week of classes started, I had the daunting task of trying to figure out where my classes were in this city they called a school. I was already exhausted by the overwhelming task of trying to park my car. Feeling awkward, out of place and in a world of logistical nightmares, studying and getting an education were the last things on my mind. But I put one foot in front of the other and prayed I would find some solace somewhere. And I did.

He walked into my life and into the huge auditorium that looked more like a movie theater than a classroom. But instead of taking a seat in the large lecture hall, he continued toward the front of the room to teach the class. He was smart and funny. I started to find any excuse to visit his office. This strange new world started to hold new meaning for me, and I began to explore it with more bravado. That was the good news. The bad news was that I had a crush on a man who was twice my age, married and had a family. But I felt helpless among all these new feelings and experiences I was having. Was this what becoming an adult meant? It all seemed too confusing.

I excelled in his class. One day he asked me if I wanted to help him grade papers, file and do some office work - a teacher's aide of sorts. There was no need to ask me twice. As the weeks passed, we shared lots of time together. I learned how to drink coffee over long philosophical conversations. We became friends.

Much to my surprise, out of the blue, he asked me if I would consider doing some baby-sitting for him. I was getting an invitation to become part of his private world. I was given directions to his house and told to come by that Thursday.

I arrived at his house promptly at six. He greeted me at the door. "Thank you so much for doing this. It's very important to me." He explained that his wife was taking care of her ailing mother and had taken their eight-month-old baby with her. Lily, their six-year-old, needed special care, and he was hoping to find someone who would click with her.

"Lily has cystic fibrosis and spends too much of her little life in bed." My heart just broke as I saw the love he had in his eyes for his little girl.

He took me into her room and, in the middle of a princess bed, sat this fair-haired little angel. She had some sort of breathing apparatus next to her bed that looked strangely out of place. What happened next was something I wasn't prepared for.

"This is the girl I told you about, Sweetie," he signed to his daughter. It turned out that Lily was deaf as well. I panicked. How would I communicate with her? What if there was an emergency?

"Her oral skills are good enough that you will be able to understand her, and you'll probably pick up some sign language. I'll only be gone a couple of hours." He left me with emergency numbers and pertinent information, and then he was gone.

I sat down on the bed with Lily, and her little fingers started flying. I shrugged my shoulders to let her know that I was lost. She smiled sweetly and then started to use her voice. She explained how it was easier to breathe when she let her fingers do her talking. That night I had my first lesson in sign language.

Over the next couple of months, I spent a lot of time with Lily. As I got to know Lily's dad as a father and as a husband, the crush changed. Now I was falling in love with his daughter. She taught me so much: not only how to sign, but also how to appreciate each moment in my life and how worrying over needless things was just stupid. We laughed together when she taught me the sign for stupid, where you take the closed fist of your right hand and knock on the side of your forehead - as if you're knocking to try to get in. She laughed as I made believe that I was hurting myself by knocking on my head too hard. And she would sign, "You hurt yourself just as much when you really do worry." She was wise beyond her years. Besides giving me her love, Lily also gave me direction. I went on to get a bachelor's degree in special education with an emphasis in deaf education.

I remained friends with Lily and her whole family throughout my college years and beyond. The crush I had on my college professor served me very well. I learned a great deal about life at the hands of a young child.

Some years later, I was asked to sign the Lord's Prayer at Lily's funeral. Everyone there told stories about how this one small life made such a big difference to so many. And, as Lily taught me when she showed me the sign for I love you, "Make sure when you use this sign that you really mean it."


(taken from: beliefnet.com)

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The Right Guy is...  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Inspiring Words

The Right Guy is...


The kind that will treat you right. The kind that searches for you with all his heart. The kind that respects you and adores you.

Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her. One who can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Because he’s smart enough to know that he already has a girl who has everything that he wants, needs and more.

The right guy will never leave you lonely and wondering. You will always know where you stand with him. He will be your best friend and lover. He’ll call you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night and maybe even tell you a bedtime story to make you laugh or talk to you until you fall asleep.

This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s just to go to the store to buy you your favorite ice cream. He’ll buy you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday and will notice your hair when you’ve gotten it cut or have gotten all gussied up specifically for him.

You deserve a guy who will cherish you. He’d never be afraid to smile to his friends when you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one”. He’d appreciate you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little… like the little love notes you leave him.

He’ll be chivalrous. He’ll wait for you when you’re falling behind, open doors for you and will walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely. He would defend and fight for you and never bail on you when you needed him most.

The right guy will call you beautiful instead of hot, he’ll kiss your forehead when you’re down and he’ll be the one who will love you for everything you are.

Never settle for anything less.

(Taken from: iamblessed.tumblr.com)


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The Right One  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Inspiring Words

The Right One

Never settle--wait for the right one, my grandmother advised. I was certain I would know him when I saw him.



My grandma and grandpa celebrated their fifty-fifth anniversary surrounded by their children, grandchildren and a lifetime collection of friends. I thought that Grandma had forgotten anything she may have known about being single. I was wrong.

As she was getting ready for the party, arranging her long white hair in a French twist, my grandma commented, "I'm always surprised when I look in the mirror and see all these wrinkles." Holding her hand over her heart, she added, "In here, I'm still a young woman." She applied bright red lipstick.

I sat on the bed watching her primp. "So, what is the secret of a long, happy marriage?"

She sprayed floral cologne on her wrists. "Don't settle."

I must have looked puzzled.

"Don't settle. That is all you need to know." She tucked a stray wisp of hair in place.

I twisted my own hair around my fingers hoping to coax it into a curl. Turning the page of Grandma's photo album, I saw an out-of-focus photo of nondescript steps. "Where's this?"

"That is where your grandpa proposed to me; we had known each other six weeks. When he first saw me, he told his cousin that he had seen the girl he was going to marry. That was before we had even spoken one word to each other."

"Six weeks?" My images of Edwardian modesty shattered. My grandma was born in 1890. Opposite the picture of the steps was a sepia studio portrait of a ringleted young woman with limpid eyes. That was Grandma, in the high-collared lace blouse, her mouth primly shut, her huge eyes staring off into the unknown future. "I thought people used to have long courtships."

"I had a long courtship, it just wasn't with your grandfather." She giggled. Grandma's eyes had not changed since that young girl held her rigid pose for the photographer.

My grandma was one of thirteen children. Her parents had a large house that Grandma described as a mansion. They were an unusual family for the turn of the century. One of Grandma's sisters was a bookkeeper. Her sister Ceil was an attorney; a plaque on a building in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, marks the site of her office.

Grandma always wanted to be a wife and mother. She was twenty-five when she married my grandfather.

"Grandma, I always thought things were different back then. I thought maybe Grandpa came over and sat around the den or parlor or whatever for years before he proposed."

Grandma smiled and moved closer, just like one of my friends settling in for a good gossip. "I kept company with another man for six years. He kept pushing me to marry him. I kept saying, 'I don't want to leave my mother,' or 'I'm not ready.' I said this, I said that. The truth was, there was no spark. He was nice but...he just wasn't the one."

I leaned forward. The years had fallen off Grandma's voice. Her speech sounded young, expectant.

"Everyone kept saying, 'Annie, so when are we dancing at your wedding?' People talked--people have always liked to talk. There was talk I'd end up an old maid. We took that kind of thing seriously. I didn't say anything. I kept going out with him, but something stopped me from getting engaged. He wasn't the one. My mother was worried about me. I wasn't worried. I knew that there was someone, somewhere. I wasn't ready to settle."

She squeezed my hand.

"So, then I met your grandfather. He saw me out walking with my friends and found--who knows how--that he knew my cousin. In a few days, he managed to come calling with my cousin. I never saw the other man again.

"Six weeks later your grandpa proposed." She started laughing until tears gathered in her eyes. "He said he needed a wife to manage his money. He didn't have two dimes to rub together."

"Did you know that before you married him?" I asked, thinking of the tales I had heard about her well-off parents.

"Of course I knew that. I also knew he was the one I had waited for," she said. She looked at our faces in the ornately framed mirror. In my face she saw the young woman she had been; in her face I saw my future. I kissed Grandma's cheek, knowing I would never settle. I would wait for the right one, and now I was certain I would know him when I saw him.

(taken from beliefnet.com)

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You're not...  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Inspiring Words


You’re not the breath I breathe, just the sweet scent that I enjoy.
You’re not the sights I see, just the most beautiful of them.
You’re not the water I drink, just the flavor that makes it taste so good.
You’re not the ground I walk on, just the partner I sometimes lean on.
You’re not the blood in my veins, just what makes it burn so sweetly.
You’re not my life, just the one I want to spend it with.
You’re not my world, just the best thing in it.

(taken from: iamblessed.tumblr.com)

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The Climb-Miley Cyrus  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Lyrics

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoah

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Essence of a Vampire  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Vampires

First, I think it best to define the essence of the vampire (fictional) before attempting to define the Essence of the Vampyre (magical). In this way, I hope to invite discussion and/or debate on the topic, and to hear from other magicians' experience with this type of magic.

The word "essence," as defined by my Random House Dictionary, is "the basic intrinsic constituent or quality of a thing." It also means "the substance obtained from a plant or drug, by distillation or infusion, and containing its characteristic properties in concentrated form."

When examining the "essence of the vampire," or that which is distilled once we remove various authors' character nuances and personalities, we find certain things in common in most every vampire story: the fact that a living victim had been bitten and killed by a vampire and is now basically a walking corpse with supernatural powers. These powers included turning into mist and shapeshifting, invisibility, mesmerism, superhuman strength, immortality and, of course, a murderous bloodthirst.

In 1819, Dr. John Polidori distilled even further the literary vampire's essence by replacing the ghoulish appearance with an aristocratic one. He further fashioned the personality of his vampire character after the infamous English Romantic poet, Lord George Gordon Noel Byron (1788-1824), for whom he had worked for a time and had grown to dislike by the time he wrote his story. Suddenly, the classic myth of the vampire had become something intriguing and sexually appealing to readers rather than horrific, and the beginnings of the Vampyric archetype was born.

Polidori was the first to utilize the new spelling of "Vampyre," and Polidori's main character, Lord Ruthven, also had the characteristic bloodthirst, as well as more elegant and appealing characteristics. Novelists from then on continued to utilize this breed of vampire in increasingly sexually oriented stories (including Bram Stoker's _Dracula_). Later, screen writers would develop this idea even further with the sensual movie version "Dracula," starring Frank Langella.

For magicians, this Vampyric Essence can be experimented with in many ways. Distilled even further by removing the two remaining negative traits of the vampire, bloodlust and the animated corpse theory, we have an extremely sensual, sexual, aristocratic, magically and physically powerful Being. If one learns to emulate the powers of the vampire while keeping strongly in mind the intrinsic elegance and "Aristocracy of the Blood" that has developed within the archetype over the years, we now have the ingredients for a magical personality/persona known as the Vampyre.

How can these legendary powers be emulated? With only a little magic, imagination and dedication, it is quite easy, actually. "Superhuman" strength can be developed via weight training, using various strengthening and flexibility exercises. "Invisibility" can be learned by studying certain martial arts, such as Ninjutsu. "Shapeshifting" can be accomplished via pathworkings, trance states, and lycanthropic magic, as well as astral projection. Mesmerism can be learned by studying mesmerism and hypnotism, and also through psychology. The "Command to Look" can be practiced by experimenting with styles of dress and cosmetics, and via a projected Will.

Regarding immortality -- well, there are about as many beliefs regarding this as there are individual magicians. Some believe that immortality is achieved by strengthening the Will prior to Death. Some believe "psychic" or "life force" vampirism is necessary. Some believe that all human spirits are already immortal. Some believe all human psyches survive death, but then must know how to survive the "second" or "astral death." The method of this most alluring of the Vampyre's powers must be defined and explored by the individual magician according to their own studies.

Any of these traits taken alone for study and eventual perfection give on an interesting little power to add to their magical "arsenal." However, if one is truly studying the "awakening" of the Vampyric Essence and spends time developing each and all of these various talents, we have the makings of a very powerful magicians. Study never ends, of course, and each new "power" gives the magician just one more tool for self-awareness and evolution. This in turn strengthens the Vampyric talents, which again in turn empower the magician's evolution. This is the evolutionary Path of the Vampyre. (Complexities, and even dangers, of the Path beyond this simple description exist, of course, but are beyond the scope of this post.) The study of the Vampyric Essence is not for everyone. It is merely another Path for personal evolution. The concepts seem to resonate well with some personalities, while the image and archetype are abhorrent to others. Those on this particular magical Path tend to recognize one another, sometimes even before the other magician knows they would find this method intriguing. This is what is known as being "of the Blood." Vampyres tend to recognize kindred spirits.

Your individual Vampyric Essence is what you make of it. Each Vampyre, like each magician, is unique. The Vampyre may be seen as the next stage of human evolution, as the practice of magical Vampyrism (as opposed to vampirism) forces one to transcend common lower human traits and cultivate an aristocratic bearing, eloquence, and pride in Being.

The Path of the Vampyre is based on personal evolution. It's methods and trappings are sometimes Gothic-Victorian, though without the restriction and repression of these times in history. Emphasis is placed on the love of life, and conversely, the Understanding that Death is not to an experience to long for, but is merely a moment of great change. Vampyres tend to believe in immortality of the psyche, and live their lives based on this knowledge. And with this realization of the reality of continual evolution, an ever higher and exhalted state of Being is continually sought.


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Real Vampires  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Vampires

"Real Vampires"- how can this be anything but a contradiction in terms? We all know about vampires. Stock characters of fiction, guaranteed box-office draws, the media vampire has been familiar to us since childhood. Generally speaking, our blood-suckers appear with a tongue planted firmly in one toothy cheek-from Bela Lugosi hamming it up in the 1950's, to last summer's teenage "vamp" movies, to Count Chocula breakfast cereal, the media seldom treat the vampire as truly fearsome. The stereotyped vampire traits are familiar to any child: vampires have big fangs, sleep in coffins, are instantly incinerated by sunlight, and are best dispatched by a stake through the heart. But the most important "fact" that we all know of course is that there are no such things.

Of course, in terms of the mythical, literary and cinematic conventions, we are correct: there are no "legions of the undead" stalking the unwary. We have explained the folklore with politics, misunderstood diseases, and hysteria, the literary and cinematic images with psychology, history, and sociology. We of the 20th century are confident that vampires could not really exist. But then, most of us are never forced to think otherwise. For a number of people, the concept of vampires becomes a critical and often lifelong concern. To live with, love, or befriend a real vampire is to encounter a set of problems which may demand expanding the boundaries of one's accepted reality. To come to terms with being a real vampire oneself is to face a lifetime's karmic challenge.

Some people reading this article already know this. The rest are probably thinking, "Real Vampires, give me a break! Sure, there are some pretty weird people out there, but all they need is a good therapist." Yes, there are people who take on all the trappings of a gothic novel: dressing in black, claiming or pretending to be "vampires" in the supernatural sense, wearing capes, sleeping in boxes, even getting their teeth capped. There are more frightening people who seek to torture or kill animals or human beings in order to gain power, emotional release or sexual thrill, and who sometimes call themselves (or are called) "vampires". But most of these individuals are troubled people who have been attracted by the cultural myths about the vampire: supernatural powers (because they feel powerless), overwhelming sexuality (because most of them have sexual issues and no true relationships), immortality (because they fear aging and death). Individuals like these are the most recent "explanation" for humanity's persistent belief in vampires. But beyond and behind all the folklore, the psychological theories, the role playing, even the traditional spiritual assumptions, lies the real truth about vampires.

The field of vampirology is complex and mysterious. There are many aspects to the vampire phenomenon, and they would require several books to fully explore. One aspect of vampirism which frequently troubles magickal, spiritual and other small groups, the most common form of vampire, is found among living people who share with us the benefits and disadvantages of physical existence on this plane, yet are not quite human. These people appear on the surface to be somewhat eccentric members of society, yet their outward idiosyncrasies only hint at how different they are from those around them.

Each of us incarnates for a lifetime with a certain way of relating to the physical world through the vehicle of our physical body. A vampire is a person born with an extraordinary capacity to absorb, channel, transform, and manipulate "pranic energy" or life force. She also has a critical energy imbalance which reels wildly from deficit to overload and back again. This capacity for handling energy is a gift, but the constant imbalance of her own system is the cause of the negative behavior patterns and characteristics which may be notable about a vampiric person.

Real vampires do not necessarily drink blood-in fact, most of them do not. Blood-drinking and vampirism have been confused to the extent that for the average person, a vampire is defined as something that drinks blood (such as a "vampire bat"). But when we look beyond casual assumptions to the details of common beliefs, we find something quite different. Throughout both folklore and literature, there is an understanding that vampires require energy or life force. Many old folktales accept that vampires suck blood, yet never describe this actually happening. The victims slowly decline and waste away, and the survivors assume that some evil fiend is draining them of blood. They know that the Bible says, "the blood is the life", and anyone who was losing their life force must be losing blood. Yet, in many instances the vampire's "attack" does not even involve physical contact. In others, it is clearly sexual energy which is exchanged.1

Fresh blood is the highest known source of pranic energy (life force).2 Human beings have practiced blood-drinking for many reasons throughout history, but drinking blood alone does not indicate that a person is a vampire. Only real vampires can directly absorb the pranic energy in fresh blood, and for this reason some real vampires are attracted to blood and find different means of obtaining it.3 However, it is a rare vampire who cannot absorb energy in much more subtle ways. This is the mechanism that causes real vampires to inflict harm on others and themselves if they fail to recognize what is happening and do conscious work on transforming their inner natures. Vampires are no more likely to be either malicious or spiritually aware than the general population, but without awareness, they can spend their lives making themselves and others unhappy, and will continue to incarnate in this pattern until they take action to change it.

There are a number of external symptoms of vampirism, but it is important to realize that some of them are found in ordinary human behavior. Real vampires are identifiable partly because they have a majority of the symptoms, not just one or two. But more significantly, real vampires are distinguished by a certain quality to the energy. While anyone reading a description of the symptoms and behavior patterns might find a few that apply to people he knows, or even to himself, real vampires have a way of standing out vividly to everyone who interacts with them. There are few people who do not know at least one vampire.

Physically, vampires are usually "night people"" on a biochemical level. They have inverted circadian rhythms, with body cycles such as temperature peaks, menstrual onset, and the production of sleep hormones in the brain occurring at the opposite time of day from most people. They have difficulty adjusting to daytime schedules and frequently work nights. They tend to be photosensitive, avoiding sunlight, sunburning easily, and having excellent night vision. Their vitality ranges widely, and they can be vigorous and active one day, depressed and languorous the next.

They frequently have digestive trouble. Even those with cast-iron stomachs have many issues with food that are rooted in their constant hunger for energy. Contrary to the image of the vampire as thin, many real vampires are troubled by obesity because of a hunger that makes them food addicts, and a system that is sluggish in processing physical food. They are also sometimes troubled by other substance addictions for the same reasons, but since their systems are tuned to pranic energy more than to processing physical substance, they may not be as sensitive to drugs and alcohol as an ordinary person would be.

Emotionally and physically, vampires are unpredictable, moody, temperamental and overwhelming. The major distinguishing characteristic of real vampires as opposed to ordinary people who share those qualities is the vampire's intensity. Vampires are extremely intense people. They are frequently given nicknames such as "the black hole." When others talk about them (usually to complain about them), vampires are often described by such terms as "needy," "attention-seeking," "grandstanding," "manipulative," "exhausting," "draining," "monopolizes the conversation," "jealous," "huge ego," and so on. A vampire's emotions are deep, fervent, and powerful, and she usually displays great psychic ability and has uncontrolled magickal and psychic experiences. Vampires are also empaths, and while they remain unconscious of their natures, they are frequently "psychic sponges" who simply absorb vibrations from everywhere, with the expected emotional instability resulting.

A "hungry" vampire -- one whose energy level is imbalanced to the deficit side -- becomes an involuntary psychic vortex, drawing all pranic energy in the area towards her. When the energy does not flow in fast enough -- and it is typical of vampires that the energy never flows fast enough for them -- she will begin manifesting behavior patterns to increase the amount of conscious attention she gets from others. For this reason, some vampires develop a pattern of being aggressively confrontational, or of constantly antagonizing people with whom they have relationships. Nearly all vampires, whatever ploys they use, have a talent for attracting (or distracting) the attention of everyone present.

Once a vampire overloads on energy, she reverses her behavior patterns. She may become morose, silent, withdrawn and introverted. Some vampires become maniacally cheerful when they are satiated, but even their good moods seem to annoy others, and it is more typical for vampires to be infamous as wet blankets. "Hungry" and "overload" phases can occur within a few minutes or last for days at a time. Vampires are commonly loners, in part because they feel so different from those around them, but also because they have a need to control the degree of contact they have with sources of energy.

Real vampires are not the demonic fiends of Christianized folklore, but as long as they refuse to accept their inner nature, their bad reputation is not undeserved. Unconscious vampires have a tendency to reach adulthood with less than the average level of social skill and general finesse, and tend to be selfish and self-centered. The demands of their own energy systems are so distracting to them that it is difficult for them to pay attention to the needs of others. Their relationships tend to be disasters. Different vampires develop different patterns according to what works best for them in their life situation, but several patterns are common. The "femme fatale" or "lady-killer" vampire forms a continuous series of sexual connections with one partner at a time, dropping each unfortunate lover as they become too exhausted (or defensive) to support the vampire's energy needs. Other vampires form a long-term relationship with a single person: either another vampire whose energy cycle complements their own, or a person who derives satisfaction from being a psychic servant or martyr. A common pattern, especially in young adults, is to continuously join social, religious, political and magickal groups and either blow them apart or end up being thrown out. Vampires may go through roommates, housing situations, magickal groups, jobs and lovers like so much Kleenex.

Many people find that they feel "creepy" or "weird" around a vampire. This is usually due to the effects of one's own life force being drawn towards the vampire's vortex. Most people feel uncomfortable and distracted when their energy is pulled away from themselves. In addition to this, a common result of such an energy drain is for the aura to pull in tightly towards the body, and this causes a prickling sensation on the skin -- the "creepy-crawlies."

It is no more common for vampires to be psychopaths or killers than it is for any random person on the street. However, a prolonged, or very involved, relationship with a vampire can put a severe strain on the emotional and psychic energy systems of an ordinary person. Folklore suggests that victims of a vampire become vampires themselves. In reality, people who have been seriously "drained" -- that is, have had their own energy pulled off balance into a deficit -- also become psychic vortices which pull life force away from other living things. However, they are never as powerful as a true vampire, and unlike vampires, quickly recover and stabilize. True vampires are born the way they are -- no one can be "turned into a vampire." However, years of energy depletion can lead to health problems ranging from depression and malaise to a suppressed immune system and susceptibility to serious illnesses. Most people will break off the relationship before it gets that far.

Many vampires are attracted to magickal paths. In a magickal working group, their ability to wreak havoc is increased because of the psychic openness and trust that exist there. But there can be a benefit, as well. Some vampires become aware of their true natures and choose to undertake serious work to transform themselves. As soon as they begin doing so, they become more acceptable working partners and companions. Once in control of their capacity for handling energy, they become extraordinary magicians and healers. Their ability to hold the attention of others gives them the potential to be fine leaders and teachers. Ultimately, the purpose of vampires is not to plague the universe but to facilitate its healing. Vampirism is the dark, or unfocused, side of a certain kind of psychic talent, one which has been developing for many lifetimes. It is destructive only when a vampire either refuses to face the truth about herself and work with her abilities, or when she chooses to play out a sinister role because of the illusion of power it gives her.

Because of this, many of the vampire characteristics described above are far less evident in the most powerful vampires, the ones who have done considerable work on their inner selves. Many of these are poised, pleasant, competent individuals, with great personal power. They have come to terms with who and what they are, and no longer exhibit the negative qualities associated with "psychic vampirism." 4 Unfortunately, unconscious vampires are far more common than evolved ones, and it is these troubled souls who more usually appear in magickal groups.

There is no "generic advice" to give those who believe they may be dealing with a real vampire. Those who are so inclined might try to help a friend or fellow group member explore their inner nature and come to terms with their destructive behaviors. Those who feel victimized can choose to end the relationship. Each case is different, and can only be judged by the individuals concerned. But it is important for anyone involved in magickal or psychic work to understand that vampires are a real phenomenon, and that, like all perils, they should not be greeted with fear or anger. Nothing is evil by nature -- only by choice. Terror of discovery (followed by ridicule or rejection) inhibits the self-development of many real vampires. When they reach out for friendship, they are often reaching out for help.

A person who believes she may be a real vampire herself has a long and difficult process ahead of her. The most important step on her path is complete self-awareness: of her relationships, patterns, energy levels, and all other personal qualities. The most challenging work may often be summarized in the simplest of terms. Knowledge, awareness, and control are the lessons real vampires must learn in order to harness their abilities. If real vampires are not the immortals of fiction, they can at least be confident of one thing: for better or worse, they will keep the qualities they develop for many lives to come.

NOTE: The author welcomes inquiries from readers
with a personal interest in the subject of vampirism.
She is available at vyrdolak@net1plus.com.
Readers wishing for more information about vampire lore
in general are referred to the Bibliography.

NOTES

  1. For a thorough examination of traditional vampire folklore, see the works of Montague Summers and Anthony Masters.
  2. Other high sources of pranic energy include semen, fresh fruits and vegetables, and the breath of living animals. Meat -- filled with chemicals, long dead, refrigerated, frozen and "aged" (partially decomposed) as it is -- contains almost none. Many real vampires, aside from drinking blood, are vegetarians.
  3. For a somewhat flawed but interesting look at blood-drinking and vampirism, see Stephen Kaplan. Leonard Wolf explores this subject from a more philosophical and personal viewpoint.
  4. This is not to suggest that even evolved vampires are always comfortable to be around. They remain unpredictable, intense, emotional, and altogether overwhelming personalities. Most are remarkable sexually, and all still draw energy, although they can generally control this to some extent. Furthermore, this article is not intended to mislead -- real vampires, even evolved ones, do sometimes drink blood in order to obtain their energy. Those who understand the many ways that life "gives way" to nurture more life will see this as no more unnatural than eating live vegetables or animals for food.

PARTIAL BIBLIOGRAPHY

  • Stephen Kaplan, Vampires Are (ETC Publications, 1984)
    Anthony Masters, The Natural History of the Vampire (Berkley Publishing Corp., 1972)
  • Raymond T. McNally and Radu Florescu, In Search of Dracula (New York Graphic Society, 1972)
    Montague Summers, The Vampire: His Kith and Kin (University Books, 1960)
  • Montague Summers, The Vampire in Europe (The Aquarian Press Limited, 1980)
  • James B. Twitchell, The Living Dead: A Study of the Vampire in Romantic Literature (Duke University Press, 1981)
  • Leonard Wolf, A Dream of Dracula (Popular Library, 1972)

(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Criminal Vampirism and Cannibalism Throughout History  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Vampires

Throughout history there have been many reports of criminal vampirism and cannibalism. Some as famous as the Hanover Vampire; others not as famous, but as equally intriguing. This essay selects legendary cases of vampirism/cannibalism throughout history. Most of the cases are early twentieth century with the odd classic or modern day case thrown in for contrast.

One of the most infamous vampire related mass murderers was Fritz Haarmann (1879 - 1925), who with his two accomplices was responsible for the deaths of at lest twenty and as many as fifty young men. He was known as a vampire because of his cannibalism and habit of biting his victims in the throat.

He was a child molester and a homosexual, and spent much time in a sanatorium after being discharged from the army. After being released he rejoined the army, this time serving with an elite group, distinguishing himself throughout World War I.

A civilian again during Germany's post war era, he opened a cook shop and worked as an informer. By this time he was already a murderer and then in 1919 he met Hans Grans, a fellow homosexual, who came do dominate Haarmann and lead him into the gaudy underworld of Hanover's homosexual community.

It was here that Haarmann found a seemingly endless supply of prey. He often brought young men home with him and murdered them in a grisly fashion; all under the watchful eye of Grans.

Another mysterious accomplice entered the scene and aided in body disposal. The victims' clothing was sold on by Haarmann, and the most horrid of all acts was that Haarmann actually sold flesh to unsuspecting people for human consumption.

Finally, the police captured him. They visited his lodgings on previous occasions when bodies were hidden just feet away. He confessed his crimes in minute detail, proclaiming insanity but declaring he was forced to commit the crimes whilst in a trance.

Fritz Haarmann was executed in April 1925; ironically he was beheaded, which is one of the most common and affective ways to dispose of a vampire. His brain was removed by officials and given to scientists at the Göttingen University to be studied. This in more ways than one granted him a kind of vampiric immortality in itself.

Another infamous murderer of vampiric connection is John Haigh. He was more commonly known as the Vampire of London and Acid Killer. The case shocked the British public when the details of his crimes came to light.

A onetime choirboy, John George Haigh was the son of a fanatically pious and puritanical family that forced him to lead a life utterly devoid of social activities and filled with threat of eternal punishment for sin. In this environment he grew up repressed, becoming fixated on religion and blood, with the increasingly uncontrollable urge to drink blood.

By the time he was finally caught in 1949, he had murdered nine people, in each case he drank the blood of his victims, including that of a young girl.

Assuming that he could not be prosecuted if there were no bodies, he routinely disposed of the corpses in drums of sulphuric acid, for which he earned the nickname 'Acid Killer'. What made Haigh so horrible in the public's mind was his absence of remorse, his seemingly normal physical appearance and the detailed often unbelievable accounts of his crimes, told in an inhuman matter-of-fact style.

Of gruesome interest was his own recitation of his early life, including his experiences as a junior organist for Wakefield Cathedral, where he spent hours gazing at the statue of the bleeding Christ, dying on the cross. Haigh was also distinguished by the apparent absence of motivational sexual content in his cravings, a characteristic commonly exhibited by other serial killers.

The Hungarian noblewoman Elizabeth Bathory (1560 - 1614) portrayed one of the most historical accounts of vampirism. She was a member of the powerful Bathory family and later became known as the 'Bloody Countess' for her multiple murders and obsession with blood.

Married to the warrior count Ferenz Nadasdy, Bathory spent many nights alone while her husband was fighting the Turks. She developed interests that were beyond obsessive in the subjects of her beauty, pleasure, the occult, and in most depraved kinds of sadism, which were normally directed towards her serving girls, with whom she engaged in acts of lesbianism before murdering them with the help of her lieutenants.

Bathory became convinced that blood held the key to halting the process of her ever-increasing age. This idea came about when she hit out at a servant; the blood that splashed onto her hands seemingly, to her, made the skin smoother and younger looking. Henceforth she believed that drinking, bathing in and showering in the blood of young virgins cured the fact that she was ageing, resulting in the murder of hundreds of servant girls in her service.

The exact amount of virgins she murdered will never be known and various accounts have their ideas; some say as many as several hundred others as few as fifty. Inevitably the truth became known, and in 1610 the countess and her henchmen were arrested, tried and convicted. Her accomplices were executed or imprisoned, and Bathory was walled up in her bedchamber at Castle Csejthe.

Four years later the guards who attended to her peered through the slot used to give her food to discover that she was dead. The 'living vampire' was no more, although her memory was kept alive by legends and tales. Several films were made about here, including Countess Dracula (1971), Blood Castle (1972), and Ceremonia Sangrienta (1972).

Martin Dummolard was a late-nineteenth-century mass murderer in France, known as the 'Monster of Montluel', whose crimes were made more macabre because of the control exercised over him by his obese mistress, Justine Lafayette.

After meeting Justine while in her Lyon boarding house, the youthful, handsome Dummolard fell completely under her spell. They were both necrophiles, Dummolard drinking the blood of his victims and bringing the fleshier parts home, which he served up for Justine.

Despite the terror that broke out in Montluel, he was able to murder some eighty girls. The capture of these 'vampires' in 1888 was followed up by a sensational trail. Justine was guillotined (again the common destruction of vampires - beheading) and Dummolard was confined to an asylum. He died early in this century and is ranked as one of the most hideous of the so-called vampires of history.

Peter Kürten, the so-called 'Vampire of Düsseldorf (1883 - 1931) he was responsible for murdering or assaulting twenty-nine people during his reign of terror that lasted for years, ruining the city's reputation amongst Europeans.

The son of an alcoholic and a long-suffering mother, whom he revered, Kürten worked as a truck driver, appearing as a boring, bespectacled little man with a moustache and neat clothes. As was true with other mass murderers, beneath this quiet exterior lurked his true demeanour as a remorseless killer.

His victims were strangled and raped, then their throats were slit and their blood consumed by Kürten, who sought to find some release from his unstoppable cravings. Eventually marrying a woman who fulfilled his need for a mother figure, he was a devoted husband by day, setting out at night on his ghastly adventures. His murders probably would have continued had he not confessed his crimes to his astonished wife.

The police picked him up after his wife turned him in; he was tried, convicted and sentenced to death, never appealing his conviction. Adding to the horror surrounding Kürten were his letters to the parents of the victims, in which he described how some humans were alcoholics, whereas he needed blood.

The inspiration for the Fritz Lang masterpiece M (1931), Kürten made the statement: "You cannot understand me. No one can understand me." His story was told in the 1964 French-Italian film Le Vampire de Düsseldorf, directed and starring Robert Hossein.

More modern day cases of vampirism/cannibalism, are those of Issei Sagawa known also as the Japanese Cannibal and Jeffrey Dahmer.

Sagawa was a student in Paris who developed an irresistible urge to taste human flesh. In the beginning of his murders a dismembered body was found in a Paris park. Things turned for the worse when police discovered parts of the body had been eaten and that they were dealing with a cannibal.

Sagawa was caught and placed in Henri Colin psychiatric hospital in Villejuif. During his stay at the Henri Colin Asylum, three psychiatrists examined Sagawa. One of them, Dr Bernard Defer, believed there was no cure for perverted sexual fantasies. He told the authorities Sagawa's 'psychosis' was permanent and he would probably have to be kept at Villejuif for the rest of his life, which would have cost the French taxpayer a small fortune. This practical consideration was probably part of the reason why the French authorities decided to get rid of the problem by deporting Sagawa to Japan.

In 1985, Sagawa was deported back to Japan. As he stepped of the plane he was overwhelmed by a mob of journalists and photographers. This was a man who had killed and eaten a woman and to all intense and purposes got away with it. From the airport he was taken to the Matsuzawa Hospital in Tokyo; this was a plan devised by his family to prevent a public outcry. But despite all this people still felt they needed justice.

No one at the hospital was pleased at having to deal with their new patient and the Japanese psychiatrists believed him to be an ordinary sex criminal who had deceived the French into believing he was psychotic and therefor not responsible for his actions. 'I think he is sane and guilty,' declared hospital superintendent Tsuguo Kanego. 'He should be in prison'.

The Japanese applied to Bruguières in Paris for Sagawa's file with a view of bringing him to justice in Japan. However, Bruguières refused to hand over a single document. In due course the Japanese came to the same decision as the French; they washed their hands of the whole incident.

On 12th August 1986, the Matsuzawa Hospital discharged its most notorious patient, as he was only a voluntary patient, into the community to begin his life over again as an ordinary, private citizen.

The Jeffrey Dahmer case is similar to Sagawa's and many others, yet so different in other aspects. Dahmer was the Milwaukee serial killer who killed 17 young men and kept part of their bodies in his home.

Pure chance led police to the home of Jeffery Dahmer in the summer of 1991. What they found inside had the seasoned officers reeling in horror, as they uncovered evidence of years of murder and mutilation. Tracey Edwards, a 32-year-old was nearly Dahmer's 18th victim, but he fortunately escaped and flagged a police car down, which began the investigation into the murders.

After killing each of his victims, Dahmer would decapitate them and he often kept parts of the bodies - torso, skull - in his home. Occasionally he would have oral sex with the corpse before dismembering it. Certain murders were excluded from his trail as he Dahmer was drunk and had no recollection of his actions.

When Dahmer was caught a televised trail began and although it was known by all, including Dahmer himself that he was guilty, it still lasted for three weeks. On the 14th of February 1992 the jury found Dahmer guilty on every charge and sentenced to over nine centuries in prison (quite a lengthy sentence which the folkloric vampire would have easily passed). Dahmer addressed the court with a speech and apologised for the pain he had caused. After spending five minutes with his father and stepmother, he was led away from public view forever.

On the morning of November 28th 1994, Dahmer went to carry out his work detail in the showers of the prison gym and was left for some 20 minutes during which he was not under direct supervision. Dahmer was later found by his guards lying in a blood-spattered shower room with severe head injuries. Despite being rushed to a nearby hospital he was pronounced dead around an hour later.

25-year-old Christopher Scarver, Dahmer's assailant and fellow inmate, claimed that he was the 'Son of God' and had been given divine orders to carry out the murder. He had received a life sentence in 1992 and would not be up for parole until 2042. Scarver was charged for both murders and referred for psychiatric tests.

· · · · ·

All of these cases seem to stem from psychological and obsessive problems. Fritz Haarmann and Martin Dummolard were cases that involved psychological displacement, but harboured the more gruesome fact of actually being talked and mentally pressured into committing the crimes for others as well as themselves.

Bathory is one of the many cases not noted here who's psychological and obsessive was increased more with her interest in sadism and the occult.

Dahmer is a case that is so similar yet so unique. I believe that he was fully aware of his actions and did not have any psychotic disease other than the fact he is seriously unstable.

Sagawa on the other hand is what could be considered as 'curious'. He only killed one person (and although killing is not to be justified it clearly set him apart from the likes of others that killed more than ten times). Despite this it is quite ignorant of the French and Japanese authorities to not at least investigate Sagawa's case further.

I suppose all people have a vampiric/cannibalistic curiosity in their mind, although not everyone will yield to it. All in all no one can be forgiven or forgotten for crimes that involve the consumption of human flesh and blood for means none other than to ease curiosity or the stomach.


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Why Vampires Have Fangs?  

Posted by: Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones in Vampires

You're cover-shopping at the bookstore. If you're lucky there's a horror section: otherwise, you may be in sci-fi, fantasy, romance, or that wondrous catchall, "novels." You want to find vampire books, of course. Other than the word "vampire" in the title, what will tip you off? You look at the cover paintings. A masked woman gazes at you haughtily, fangs like an adder's at the corners of her mouth; disembodied red lips smile around the claw-like teeth protruding between them; a gilt-framed portrait could be period art ... except for the tusk-tips resting on the man's lower lip.

[Trivia-lovers, note: These descriptions are based on cover paintings of actual vampire novels. Can you identify them from the descriptions? Answers at the end of the article.
No peeking!]

Fangs.

Other icons are identified with vampires: the silhouette of a bat; a red-lined full-length cape with a chokingly high collar; an exposed neck with two holes (bleeding optional); a single drop of blood depending from a pair of red lips; a widow's peak of black hair; a stake and hammer. But none tell us "vampire" so quickly, so surely, so alluringly as fangs.

Why do those pointy teeth say "vampire" to us? And why do we love them so?

Vampires haven't always had fangs. European vampire lore does not list fangs among the vampire's traits. Historical accounts of vampires include blood in the coffin and blood on the mouth, but no fangs for drawing of said blood. The earliest fictional vampires are similarly fangless. Polidori's description of Lord Ruthven in "The Vampyre" (1819) makes no mention of his teeth; one of the great missed opportunities to mention fangs occurs in John Stagg's 1810 poem "The Vampyre," in which the eponymous fiend is caught in the very act and

Indignant roll'd his ireful eyes, That gleam'd with wild horrific stare.... His jaws cadaverous were besmear'd With clotted carnage o'er and o'er, And all his horrid whole appear'd Distent, and fill'd with human gore!

But no fangs.

Perhaps the earliest literary instance of a fanged vampire occurs in the first chapter of Varney the Vampyre (1840): "With a plunge he seizes her neck in his fang-like teeth...." (That this is indeed an early description is attested by use of the expression "fang-like" to refer to the teeth, as opposed to simply calling them fangs.) A few decades later the eponymous Carmilla (1871) had "the sharpest tooth -- long, thin, pointed like an awl"; "the tooth of a fish." All the vampires of Dracula (1897) had pointy teeth: the three vampire women of the castle, the transformed Lucy, and of course Dracula himself. One of the earliest cinematic vampires, Max Schreck's portrayal of Graf Orlock in Nosferatu (1922) sported prominent ratlike incisor-fangs.

Early vampires of the stage and screen, however, in general did not use dental prosthetics. In the case of the stage, vampire's fangs might not have been practical: anything big enough to see likely would have interfered with an actor's ability to deliver his lines. For movie vampires, however, this need not present a problem. Yet Bela Lugosi's classic portrayal of Dracula did not include fangs, nor indeed did Lugosi ever wear them as part of a vampire role. The first talkie vampire to sport fangs was Atif Kaptan's Drakula in the Turkish production Drakula Istanbulda (1953); the first widely-known portrayal of a fanged movie vampire was Christopher Lee's Dracula in Horror of Dracula (1958).

So even in fiction, even in movies, vampires haven't always had fangs.

And fangs certainly aren't unique to vampires. Many species of animals, from snakes to apes, have two long, pointed upper teeth near the front of the jaw. Even in normal humans the canines are a little longer and sharper than the neighboring teeth. Yet snakes, tigers, chimpanzees, and so forth have no connection to vampires. Vampire bats have canines like many carnivores yet, ironically, they use their incisors to draw blood. And some fictional vampires do not use their teeth for blood-draining: in the movie The Hunger, the "vampires" carried small knives for that purpose.

Fangs are not unique to vampires, are not necessary for drawing blood, do not occur in the earliest Western vampire fiction, and are absent from traditional Western vampire lore. Yet these are foremost among the images (or at least among the foremost images) associated with vampires in popular culture, so essential that artists often violate basic mechanical principles in order to include them in their portrayals of vampires. Look at those book covers again (and stop drooling!). It is not physically possible for vertical fangs to protrude downward between closed human lips as many cover paintings show. But the advertising people want the fangs there. They make for good marketing, if not good mechanics.

None of which answers the question: Why?

Here are some thoughts.

As a visual indicator of the vampire condition, fangs have advantages over most other possible symbols. For one thing, they are, for lack of a better word, 'innate'. A vampire can have fangs without turning into a bat, being swathed in a cape, or wearing an ankh or medallion. And despite their lack of folkloric attestation, fangs for a vampire make intuitive sense. If you're going to drink blood, you've got to get it somehow; what more reasonable than to pierce the skin with something sharp ... like a tooth? Like, in point (ouch!) of fact, a fang?

Fangs give the vampire's appearance an unhuman touch more understated than almost any other animal-like trait could. The fanged vampire is visually a human-animal hybrid, his or her face a human facade that can, in a flash, reveal the gleaming weapons of a beast. And this animal connection may well add to the vampire's appeal, for fangs suggest the strength of the lion, the fierceness of the wolf, the speed of the striking snake. Yet for all their connotations, fangs -- elongated canines -- have an elegant simplicity, a grace that smooths over the raw animal power they represent. A few works of fiction (most notably The Vampire Tapestry by Suzy McKee Charnas) and some lore give the vampire a tongue- prick, but its folkloric authenticity can't compete with the aesthetic appeal of the fang.

Fangs in a vampire's mouth necessarily have phallic overtones, but they lack the penis-like grotesqueness of a pointed or barb-bearing tongue. It's difficult to associate a thrusting tongue with any socially acceptable behavior. Fangs, however, suggest biting, an act that can be performed in public (at least while eating). Although not explicitly sexual, biting retains strong sexual and pre-sexual overtones related to both power and pleasure. Biting with fangs can be considered a sublimated form of sexual intercourse, even of rape. However, the mouth is not merely an erogenous zone: it is the part of the body that we consciously control literally from day one. In Freudian terms, it is associated with the earliest stage of development (oral): oral stimuli, and oral acts, can yield satisfaction at a level even more profound than the purely sexual. Thus biting, the most visceral form of oral aggression, appeals to us at the deepest instinctual level. The tot who wants a Halloween costume with vampire fangs recognizes this, even though he (or she) can't articulate the appeal of those pointy teeth. Phallic interpretations notwithstanding, it may be that their location -- the mouth -- accounts more for their charisma than do the fangs themselves. Whether we fear vampires or identify with them, their fangs intensify our focus on the mouth, whether as an erogenous zone or an instrument of aggression -- or both.

Framed by the snarling lips of a fiend or underlying the kiss of a demon lover, fangs are more than a marketing gimmick (though they certainly are that). They are the steel beneath the velvet, strength and speed, pain and delight, the promise of devouring or being devoured -- all rolled into a snippet of dental enamel. Rather than question why the vampire's fangs appeal to us, perhaps we should ask: how can they not?

How indeed?


About those covers:

I took a little artistic license with my bookstore scenario in the first paragraph: given the varying dates of publication, it's unlikely that all covers described would have been visible in a bookstore at the same time. Here, at any rate, are the "cover vamps" I had in mind:

The masked, fanged woman graces the cover of Domination by Michael Cecilione (Zebra, 1993). The design with disembodied red lips is that of Blood Rites by Elaine Bergstrom (Jove, 1991). Gilt-framed eighteenth century-style paintings appear on P. N. Elrod's Jonathan Barrett paperbacks, all published by Ace: Red Death (1993), Death and the Maiden (1994), Death Masque (1995), and Dance of Death (1996).

Other covers, however, may fit some of these descriptions. Fangs are everywhere!


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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...life is FEARLESS...

Finding My Way

Mei 13, 2010

Finding My Way

I was directionless in my life until a young girl's friendship showed me the way.

I started college when I was sixteen years old. It was a big, scary place, and I was young. I remember standing in line for registration with the hordes of other people. I felt so insecure and inadequate next to those who were my supposed peers. How would I ever measure up to these people who seemed so confident and sure of what they wanted?

I didn't have any specific direction. I didn't have a clue as to what I wanted to do or be. College was just the next logical step. I felt very much out of place. To me, these people around me embodied my picture of the consummate college student. They stood there laughing with their friends, a cup of coffee in one hand, the schedule of classes in the other, discussing their options for the upcoming semester. Me, I had a list of classes on a piece of paper that I had painstakingly worked out with my big brother the night before. If I didn't get those particular classes, I was sunk. The idea of having a backup plan never even occurred to me. What would I do? I would just die. I knew that crying wasn't an option - I was in college for heaven's sake! Maybe throwing up would be a more socially acceptable reaction. I was alone, nervous and feeling like a cartoon in a museum of priceless paintings.

When the first week of classes started, I had the daunting task of trying to figure out where my classes were in this city they called a school. I was already exhausted by the overwhelming task of trying to park my car. Feeling awkward, out of place and in a world of logistical nightmares, studying and getting an education were the last things on my mind. But I put one foot in front of the other and prayed I would find some solace somewhere. And I did.

He walked into my life and into the huge auditorium that looked more like a movie theater than a classroom. But instead of taking a seat in the large lecture hall, he continued toward the front of the room to teach the class. He was smart and funny. I started to find any excuse to visit his office. This strange new world started to hold new meaning for me, and I began to explore it with more bravado. That was the good news. The bad news was that I had a crush on a man who was twice my age, married and had a family. But I felt helpless among all these new feelings and experiences I was having. Was this what becoming an adult meant? It all seemed too confusing.

I excelled in his class. One day he asked me if I wanted to help him grade papers, file and do some office work - a teacher's aide of sorts. There was no need to ask me twice. As the weeks passed, we shared lots of time together. I learned how to drink coffee over long philosophical conversations. We became friends.

Much to my surprise, out of the blue, he asked me if I would consider doing some baby-sitting for him. I was getting an invitation to become part of his private world. I was given directions to his house and told to come by that Thursday.

I arrived at his house promptly at six. He greeted me at the door. "Thank you so much for doing this. It's very important to me." He explained that his wife was taking care of her ailing mother and had taken their eight-month-old baby with her. Lily, their six-year-old, needed special care, and he was hoping to find someone who would click with her.

"Lily has cystic fibrosis and spends too much of her little life in bed." My heart just broke as I saw the love he had in his eyes for his little girl.

He took me into her room and, in the middle of a princess bed, sat this fair-haired little angel. She had some sort of breathing apparatus next to her bed that looked strangely out of place. What happened next was something I wasn't prepared for.

"This is the girl I told you about, Sweetie," he signed to his daughter. It turned out that Lily was deaf as well. I panicked. How would I communicate with her? What if there was an emergency?

"Her oral skills are good enough that you will be able to understand her, and you'll probably pick up some sign language. I'll only be gone a couple of hours." He left me with emergency numbers and pertinent information, and then he was gone.

I sat down on the bed with Lily, and her little fingers started flying. I shrugged my shoulders to let her know that I was lost. She smiled sweetly and then started to use her voice. She explained how it was easier to breathe when she let her fingers do her talking. That night I had my first lesson in sign language.

Over the next couple of months, I spent a lot of time with Lily. As I got to know Lily's dad as a father and as a husband, the crush changed. Now I was falling in love with his daughter. She taught me so much: not only how to sign, but also how to appreciate each moment in my life and how worrying over needless things was just stupid. We laughed together when she taught me the sign for stupid, where you take the closed fist of your right hand and knock on the side of your forehead - as if you're knocking to try to get in. She laughed as I made believe that I was hurting myself by knocking on my head too hard. And she would sign, "You hurt yourself just as much when you really do worry." She was wise beyond her years. Besides giving me her love, Lily also gave me direction. I went on to get a bachelor's degree in special education with an emphasis in deaf education.

I remained friends with Lily and her whole family throughout my college years and beyond. The crush I had on my college professor served me very well. I learned a great deal about life at the hands of a young child.

Some years later, I was asked to sign the Lord's Prayer at Lily's funeral. Everyone there told stories about how this one small life made such a big difference to so many. And, as Lily taught me when she showed me the sign for I love you, "Make sure when you use this sign that you really mean it."


(taken from: beliefnet.com)

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Label: Inspiring Words

The Right Guy is...

Mei 10, 2010

The Right Guy is...


The kind that will treat you right. The kind that searches for you with all his heart. The kind that respects you and adores you.

Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her. One who can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Because he’s smart enough to know that he already has a girl who has everything that he wants, needs and more.

The right guy will never leave you lonely and wondering. You will always know where you stand with him. He will be your best friend and lover. He’ll call you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night and maybe even tell you a bedtime story to make you laugh or talk to you until you fall asleep.

This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s just to go to the store to buy you your favorite ice cream. He’ll buy you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday and will notice your hair when you’ve gotten it cut or have gotten all gussied up specifically for him.

You deserve a guy who will cherish you. He’d never be afraid to smile to his friends when you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one”. He’d appreciate you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little… like the little love notes you leave him.

He’ll be chivalrous. He’ll wait for you when you’re falling behind, open doors for you and will walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely. He would defend and fight for you and never bail on you when you needed him most.

The right guy will call you beautiful instead of hot, he’ll kiss your forehead when you’re down and he’ll be the one who will love you for everything you are.

Never settle for anything less.

(Taken from: iamblessed.tumblr.com)


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Label: Inspiring Words

The Right One

The Right One

Never settle--wait for the right one, my grandmother advised. I was certain I would know him when I saw him.



My grandma and grandpa celebrated their fifty-fifth anniversary surrounded by their children, grandchildren and a lifetime collection of friends. I thought that Grandma had forgotten anything she may have known about being single. I was wrong.

As she was getting ready for the party, arranging her long white hair in a French twist, my grandma commented, "I'm always surprised when I look in the mirror and see all these wrinkles." Holding her hand over her heart, she added, "In here, I'm still a young woman." She applied bright red lipstick.

I sat on the bed watching her primp. "So, what is the secret of a long, happy marriage?"

She sprayed floral cologne on her wrists. "Don't settle."

I must have looked puzzled.

"Don't settle. That is all you need to know." She tucked a stray wisp of hair in place.

I twisted my own hair around my fingers hoping to coax it into a curl. Turning the page of Grandma's photo album, I saw an out-of-focus photo of nondescript steps. "Where's this?"

"That is where your grandpa proposed to me; we had known each other six weeks. When he first saw me, he told his cousin that he had seen the girl he was going to marry. That was before we had even spoken one word to each other."

"Six weeks?" My images of Edwardian modesty shattered. My grandma was born in 1890. Opposite the picture of the steps was a sepia studio portrait of a ringleted young woman with limpid eyes. That was Grandma, in the high-collared lace blouse, her mouth primly shut, her huge eyes staring off into the unknown future. "I thought people used to have long courtships."

"I had a long courtship, it just wasn't with your grandfather." She giggled. Grandma's eyes had not changed since that young girl held her rigid pose for the photographer.

My grandma was one of thirteen children. Her parents had a large house that Grandma described as a mansion. They were an unusual family for the turn of the century. One of Grandma's sisters was a bookkeeper. Her sister Ceil was an attorney; a plaque on a building in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, marks the site of her office.

Grandma always wanted to be a wife and mother. She was twenty-five when she married my grandfather.

"Grandma, I always thought things were different back then. I thought maybe Grandpa came over and sat around the den or parlor or whatever for years before he proposed."

Grandma smiled and moved closer, just like one of my friends settling in for a good gossip. "I kept company with another man for six years. He kept pushing me to marry him. I kept saying, 'I don't want to leave my mother,' or 'I'm not ready.' I said this, I said that. The truth was, there was no spark. He was nice but...he just wasn't the one."

I leaned forward. The years had fallen off Grandma's voice. Her speech sounded young, expectant.

"Everyone kept saying, 'Annie, so when are we dancing at your wedding?' People talked--people have always liked to talk. There was talk I'd end up an old maid. We took that kind of thing seriously. I didn't say anything. I kept going out with him, but something stopped me from getting engaged. He wasn't the one. My mother was worried about me. I wasn't worried. I knew that there was someone, somewhere. I wasn't ready to settle."

She squeezed my hand.

"So, then I met your grandfather. He saw me out walking with my friends and found--who knows how--that he knew my cousin. In a few days, he managed to come calling with my cousin. I never saw the other man again.

"Six weeks later your grandpa proposed." She started laughing until tears gathered in her eyes. "He said he needed a wife to manage his money. He didn't have two dimes to rub together."

"Did you know that before you married him?" I asked, thinking of the tales I had heard about her well-off parents.

"Of course I knew that. I also knew he was the one I had waited for," she said. She looked at our faces in the ornately framed mirror. In my face she saw the young woman she had been; in her face I saw my future. I kissed Grandma's cheek, knowing I would never settle. I would wait for the right one, and now I was certain I would know him when I saw him.

(taken from beliefnet.com)

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Label: Inspiring Words

You're not...

Mei 08, 2010


You’re not the breath I breathe, just the sweet scent that I enjoy.
You’re not the sights I see, just the most beautiful of them.
You’re not the water I drink, just the flavor that makes it taste so good.
You’re not the ground I walk on, just the partner I sometimes lean on.
You’re not the blood in my veins, just what makes it burn so sweetly.
You’re not my life, just the one I want to spend it with.
You’re not my world, just the best thing in it.

(taken from: iamblessed.tumblr.com)

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Label: Inspiring Words

The Climb-Miley Cyrus

Mei 07, 2010

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoah

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Label: Lyrics

Essence of a Vampire

April 25, 2010

First, I think it best to define the essence of the vampire (fictional) before attempting to define the Essence of the Vampyre (magical). In this way, I hope to invite discussion and/or debate on the topic, and to hear from other magicians' experience with this type of magic.

The word "essence," as defined by my Random House Dictionary, is "the basic intrinsic constituent or quality of a thing." It also means "the substance obtained from a plant or drug, by distillation or infusion, and containing its characteristic properties in concentrated form."

When examining the "essence of the vampire," or that which is distilled once we remove various authors' character nuances and personalities, we find certain things in common in most every vampire story: the fact that a living victim had been bitten and killed by a vampire and is now basically a walking corpse with supernatural powers. These powers included turning into mist and shapeshifting, invisibility, mesmerism, superhuman strength, immortality and, of course, a murderous bloodthirst.

In 1819, Dr. John Polidori distilled even further the literary vampire's essence by replacing the ghoulish appearance with an aristocratic one. He further fashioned the personality of his vampire character after the infamous English Romantic poet, Lord George Gordon Noel Byron (1788-1824), for whom he had worked for a time and had grown to dislike by the time he wrote his story. Suddenly, the classic myth of the vampire had become something intriguing and sexually appealing to readers rather than horrific, and the beginnings of the Vampyric archetype was born.

Polidori was the first to utilize the new spelling of "Vampyre," and Polidori's main character, Lord Ruthven, also had the characteristic bloodthirst, as well as more elegant and appealing characteristics. Novelists from then on continued to utilize this breed of vampire in increasingly sexually oriented stories (including Bram Stoker's _Dracula_). Later, screen writers would develop this idea even further with the sensual movie version "Dracula," starring Frank Langella.

For magicians, this Vampyric Essence can be experimented with in many ways. Distilled even further by removing the two remaining negative traits of the vampire, bloodlust and the animated corpse theory, we have an extremely sensual, sexual, aristocratic, magically and physically powerful Being. If one learns to emulate the powers of the vampire while keeping strongly in mind the intrinsic elegance and "Aristocracy of the Blood" that has developed within the archetype over the years, we now have the ingredients for a magical personality/persona known as the Vampyre.

How can these legendary powers be emulated? With only a little magic, imagination and dedication, it is quite easy, actually. "Superhuman" strength can be developed via weight training, using various strengthening and flexibility exercises. "Invisibility" can be learned by studying certain martial arts, such as Ninjutsu. "Shapeshifting" can be accomplished via pathworkings, trance states, and lycanthropic magic, as well as astral projection. Mesmerism can be learned by studying mesmerism and hypnotism, and also through psychology. The "Command to Look" can be practiced by experimenting with styles of dress and cosmetics, and via a projected Will.

Regarding immortality -- well, there are about as many beliefs regarding this as there are individual magicians. Some believe that immortality is achieved by strengthening the Will prior to Death. Some believe "psychic" or "life force" vampirism is necessary. Some believe that all human spirits are already immortal. Some believe all human psyches survive death, but then must know how to survive the "second" or "astral death." The method of this most alluring of the Vampyre's powers must be defined and explored by the individual magician according to their own studies.

Any of these traits taken alone for study and eventual perfection give on an interesting little power to add to their magical "arsenal." However, if one is truly studying the "awakening" of the Vampyric Essence and spends time developing each and all of these various talents, we have the makings of a very powerful magicians. Study never ends, of course, and each new "power" gives the magician just one more tool for self-awareness and evolution. This in turn strengthens the Vampyric talents, which again in turn empower the magician's evolution. This is the evolutionary Path of the Vampyre. (Complexities, and even dangers, of the Path beyond this simple description exist, of course, but are beyond the scope of this post.) The study of the Vampyric Essence is not for everyone. It is merely another Path for personal evolution. The concepts seem to resonate well with some personalities, while the image and archetype are abhorrent to others. Those on this particular magical Path tend to recognize one another, sometimes even before the other magician knows they would find this method intriguing. This is what is known as being "of the Blood." Vampyres tend to recognize kindred spirits.

Your individual Vampyric Essence is what you make of it. Each Vampyre, like each magician, is unique. The Vampyre may be seen as the next stage of human evolution, as the practice of magical Vampyrism (as opposed to vampirism) forces one to transcend common lower human traits and cultivate an aristocratic bearing, eloquence, and pride in Being.

The Path of the Vampyre is based on personal evolution. It's methods and trappings are sometimes Gothic-Victorian, though without the restriction and repression of these times in history. Emphasis is placed on the love of life, and conversely, the Understanding that Death is not to an experience to long for, but is merely a moment of great change. Vampyres tend to believe in immortality of the psyche, and live their lives based on this knowledge. And with this realization of the reality of continual evolution, an ever higher and exhalted state of Being is continually sought.


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Label: Vampires

Real Vampires

"Real Vampires"- how can this be anything but a contradiction in terms? We all know about vampires. Stock characters of fiction, guaranteed box-office draws, the media vampire has been familiar to us since childhood. Generally speaking, our blood-suckers appear with a tongue planted firmly in one toothy cheek-from Bela Lugosi hamming it up in the 1950's, to last summer's teenage "vamp" movies, to Count Chocula breakfast cereal, the media seldom treat the vampire as truly fearsome. The stereotyped vampire traits are familiar to any child: vampires have big fangs, sleep in coffins, are instantly incinerated by sunlight, and are best dispatched by a stake through the heart. But the most important "fact" that we all know of course is that there are no such things.

Of course, in terms of the mythical, literary and cinematic conventions, we are correct: there are no "legions of the undead" stalking the unwary. We have explained the folklore with politics, misunderstood diseases, and hysteria, the literary and cinematic images with psychology, history, and sociology. We of the 20th century are confident that vampires could not really exist. But then, most of us are never forced to think otherwise. For a number of people, the concept of vampires becomes a critical and often lifelong concern. To live with, love, or befriend a real vampire is to encounter a set of problems which may demand expanding the boundaries of one's accepted reality. To come to terms with being a real vampire oneself is to face a lifetime's karmic challenge.

Some people reading this article already know this. The rest are probably thinking, "Real Vampires, give me a break! Sure, there are some pretty weird people out there, but all they need is a good therapist." Yes, there are people who take on all the trappings of a gothic novel: dressing in black, claiming or pretending to be "vampires" in the supernatural sense, wearing capes, sleeping in boxes, even getting their teeth capped. There are more frightening people who seek to torture or kill animals or human beings in order to gain power, emotional release or sexual thrill, and who sometimes call themselves (or are called) "vampires". But most of these individuals are troubled people who have been attracted by the cultural myths about the vampire: supernatural powers (because they feel powerless), overwhelming sexuality (because most of them have sexual issues and no true relationships), immortality (because they fear aging and death). Individuals like these are the most recent "explanation" for humanity's persistent belief in vampires. But beyond and behind all the folklore, the psychological theories, the role playing, even the traditional spiritual assumptions, lies the real truth about vampires.

The field of vampirology is complex and mysterious. There are many aspects to the vampire phenomenon, and they would require several books to fully explore. One aspect of vampirism which frequently troubles magickal, spiritual and other small groups, the most common form of vampire, is found among living people who share with us the benefits and disadvantages of physical existence on this plane, yet are not quite human. These people appear on the surface to be somewhat eccentric members of society, yet their outward idiosyncrasies only hint at how different they are from those around them.

Each of us incarnates for a lifetime with a certain way of relating to the physical world through the vehicle of our physical body. A vampire is a person born with an extraordinary capacity to absorb, channel, transform, and manipulate "pranic energy" or life force. She also has a critical energy imbalance which reels wildly from deficit to overload and back again. This capacity for handling energy is a gift, but the constant imbalance of her own system is the cause of the negative behavior patterns and characteristics which may be notable about a vampiric person.

Real vampires do not necessarily drink blood-in fact, most of them do not. Blood-drinking and vampirism have been confused to the extent that for the average person, a vampire is defined as something that drinks blood (such as a "vampire bat"). But when we look beyond casual assumptions to the details of common beliefs, we find something quite different. Throughout both folklore and literature, there is an understanding that vampires require energy or life force. Many old folktales accept that vampires suck blood, yet never describe this actually happening. The victims slowly decline and waste away, and the survivors assume that some evil fiend is draining them of blood. They know that the Bible says, "the blood is the life", and anyone who was losing their life force must be losing blood. Yet, in many instances the vampire's "attack" does not even involve physical contact. In others, it is clearly sexual energy which is exchanged.1

Fresh blood is the highest known source of pranic energy (life force).2 Human beings have practiced blood-drinking for many reasons throughout history, but drinking blood alone does not indicate that a person is a vampire. Only real vampires can directly absorb the pranic energy in fresh blood, and for this reason some real vampires are attracted to blood and find different means of obtaining it.3 However, it is a rare vampire who cannot absorb energy in much more subtle ways. This is the mechanism that causes real vampires to inflict harm on others and themselves if they fail to recognize what is happening and do conscious work on transforming their inner natures. Vampires are no more likely to be either malicious or spiritually aware than the general population, but without awareness, they can spend their lives making themselves and others unhappy, and will continue to incarnate in this pattern until they take action to change it.

There are a number of external symptoms of vampirism, but it is important to realize that some of them are found in ordinary human behavior. Real vampires are identifiable partly because they have a majority of the symptoms, not just one or two. But more significantly, real vampires are distinguished by a certain quality to the energy. While anyone reading a description of the symptoms and behavior patterns might find a few that apply to people he knows, or even to himself, real vampires have a way of standing out vividly to everyone who interacts with them. There are few people who do not know at least one vampire.

Physically, vampires are usually "night people"" on a biochemical level. They have inverted circadian rhythms, with body cycles such as temperature peaks, menstrual onset, and the production of sleep hormones in the brain occurring at the opposite time of day from most people. They have difficulty adjusting to daytime schedules and frequently work nights. They tend to be photosensitive, avoiding sunlight, sunburning easily, and having excellent night vision. Their vitality ranges widely, and they can be vigorous and active one day, depressed and languorous the next.

They frequently have digestive trouble. Even those with cast-iron stomachs have many issues with food that are rooted in their constant hunger for energy. Contrary to the image of the vampire as thin, many real vampires are troubled by obesity because of a hunger that makes them food addicts, and a system that is sluggish in processing physical food. They are also sometimes troubled by other substance addictions for the same reasons, but since their systems are tuned to pranic energy more than to processing physical substance, they may not be as sensitive to drugs and alcohol as an ordinary person would be.

Emotionally and physically, vampires are unpredictable, moody, temperamental and overwhelming. The major distinguishing characteristic of real vampires as opposed to ordinary people who share those qualities is the vampire's intensity. Vampires are extremely intense people. They are frequently given nicknames such as "the black hole." When others talk about them (usually to complain about them), vampires are often described by such terms as "needy," "attention-seeking," "grandstanding," "manipulative," "exhausting," "draining," "monopolizes the conversation," "jealous," "huge ego," and so on. A vampire's emotions are deep, fervent, and powerful, and she usually displays great psychic ability and has uncontrolled magickal and psychic experiences. Vampires are also empaths, and while they remain unconscious of their natures, they are frequently "psychic sponges" who simply absorb vibrations from everywhere, with the expected emotional instability resulting.

A "hungry" vampire -- one whose energy level is imbalanced to the deficit side -- becomes an involuntary psychic vortex, drawing all pranic energy in the area towards her. When the energy does not flow in fast enough -- and it is typical of vampires that the energy never flows fast enough for them -- she will begin manifesting behavior patterns to increase the amount of conscious attention she gets from others. For this reason, some vampires develop a pattern of being aggressively confrontational, or of constantly antagonizing people with whom they have relationships. Nearly all vampires, whatever ploys they use, have a talent for attracting (or distracting) the attention of everyone present.

Once a vampire overloads on energy, she reverses her behavior patterns. She may become morose, silent, withdrawn and introverted. Some vampires become maniacally cheerful when they are satiated, but even their good moods seem to annoy others, and it is more typical for vampires to be infamous as wet blankets. "Hungry" and "overload" phases can occur within a few minutes or last for days at a time. Vampires are commonly loners, in part because they feel so different from those around them, but also because they have a need to control the degree of contact they have with sources of energy.

Real vampires are not the demonic fiends of Christianized folklore, but as long as they refuse to accept their inner nature, their bad reputation is not undeserved. Unconscious vampires have a tendency to reach adulthood with less than the average level of social skill and general finesse, and tend to be selfish and self-centered. The demands of their own energy systems are so distracting to them that it is difficult for them to pay attention to the needs of others. Their relationships tend to be disasters. Different vampires develop different patterns according to what works best for them in their life situation, but several patterns are common. The "femme fatale" or "lady-killer" vampire forms a continuous series of sexual connections with one partner at a time, dropping each unfortunate lover as they become too exhausted (or defensive) to support the vampire's energy needs. Other vampires form a long-term relationship with a single person: either another vampire whose energy cycle complements their own, or a person who derives satisfaction from being a psychic servant or martyr. A common pattern, especially in young adults, is to continuously join social, religious, political and magickal groups and either blow them apart or end up being thrown out. Vampires may go through roommates, housing situations, magickal groups, jobs and lovers like so much Kleenex.

Many people find that they feel "creepy" or "weird" around a vampire. This is usually due to the effects of one's own life force being drawn towards the vampire's vortex. Most people feel uncomfortable and distracted when their energy is pulled away from themselves. In addition to this, a common result of such an energy drain is for the aura to pull in tightly towards the body, and this causes a prickling sensation on the skin -- the "creepy-crawlies."

It is no more common for vampires to be psychopaths or killers than it is for any random person on the street. However, a prolonged, or very involved, relationship with a vampire can put a severe strain on the emotional and psychic energy systems of an ordinary person. Folklore suggests that victims of a vampire become vampires themselves. In reality, people who have been seriously "drained" -- that is, have had their own energy pulled off balance into a deficit -- also become psychic vortices which pull life force away from other living things. However, they are never as powerful as a true vampire, and unlike vampires, quickly recover and stabilize. True vampires are born the way they are -- no one can be "turned into a vampire." However, years of energy depletion can lead to health problems ranging from depression and malaise to a suppressed immune system and susceptibility to serious illnesses. Most people will break off the relationship before it gets that far.

Many vampires are attracted to magickal paths. In a magickal working group, their ability to wreak havoc is increased because of the psychic openness and trust that exist there. But there can be a benefit, as well. Some vampires become aware of their true natures and choose to undertake serious work to transform themselves. As soon as they begin doing so, they become more acceptable working partners and companions. Once in control of their capacity for handling energy, they become extraordinary magicians and healers. Their ability to hold the attention of others gives them the potential to be fine leaders and teachers. Ultimately, the purpose of vampires is not to plague the universe but to facilitate its healing. Vampirism is the dark, or unfocused, side of a certain kind of psychic talent, one which has been developing for many lifetimes. It is destructive only when a vampire either refuses to face the truth about herself and work with her abilities, or when she chooses to play out a sinister role because of the illusion of power it gives her.

Because of this, many of the vampire characteristics described above are far less evident in the most powerful vampires, the ones who have done considerable work on their inner selves. Many of these are poised, pleasant, competent individuals, with great personal power. They have come to terms with who and what they are, and no longer exhibit the negative qualities associated with "psychic vampirism." 4 Unfortunately, unconscious vampires are far more common than evolved ones, and it is these troubled souls who more usually appear in magickal groups.

There is no "generic advice" to give those who believe they may be dealing with a real vampire. Those who are so inclined might try to help a friend or fellow group member explore their inner nature and come to terms with their destructive behaviors. Those who feel victimized can choose to end the relationship. Each case is different, and can only be judged by the individuals concerned. But it is important for anyone involved in magickal or psychic work to understand that vampires are a real phenomenon, and that, like all perils, they should not be greeted with fear or anger. Nothing is evil by nature -- only by choice. Terror of discovery (followed by ridicule or rejection) inhibits the self-development of many real vampires. When they reach out for friendship, they are often reaching out for help.

A person who believes she may be a real vampire herself has a long and difficult process ahead of her. The most important step on her path is complete self-awareness: of her relationships, patterns, energy levels, and all other personal qualities. The most challenging work may often be summarized in the simplest of terms. Knowledge, awareness, and control are the lessons real vampires must learn in order to harness their abilities. If real vampires are not the immortals of fiction, they can at least be confident of one thing: for better or worse, they will keep the qualities they develop for many lives to come.

NOTE: The author welcomes inquiries from readers
with a personal interest in the subject of vampirism.
She is available at vyrdolak@net1plus.com.
Readers wishing for more information about vampire lore
in general are referred to the Bibliography.

NOTES

  1. For a thorough examination of traditional vampire folklore, see the works of Montague Summers and Anthony Masters.
  2. Other high sources of pranic energy include semen, fresh fruits and vegetables, and the breath of living animals. Meat -- filled with chemicals, long dead, refrigerated, frozen and "aged" (partially decomposed) as it is -- contains almost none. Many real vampires, aside from drinking blood, are vegetarians.
  3. For a somewhat flawed but interesting look at blood-drinking and vampirism, see Stephen Kaplan. Leonard Wolf explores this subject from a more philosophical and personal viewpoint.
  4. This is not to suggest that even evolved vampires are always comfortable to be around. They remain unpredictable, intense, emotional, and altogether overwhelming personalities. Most are remarkable sexually, and all still draw energy, although they can generally control this to some extent. Furthermore, this article is not intended to mislead -- real vampires, even evolved ones, do sometimes drink blood in order to obtain their energy. Those who understand the many ways that life "gives way" to nurture more life will see this as no more unnatural than eating live vegetables or animals for food.

PARTIAL BIBLIOGRAPHY

  • Stephen Kaplan, Vampires Are (ETC Publications, 1984)
    Anthony Masters, The Natural History of the Vampire (Berkley Publishing Corp., 1972)
  • Raymond T. McNally and Radu Florescu, In Search of Dracula (New York Graphic Society, 1972)
    Montague Summers, The Vampire: His Kith and Kin (University Books, 1960)
  • Montague Summers, The Vampire in Europe (The Aquarian Press Limited, 1980)
  • James B. Twitchell, The Living Dead: A Study of the Vampire in Romantic Literature (Duke University Press, 1981)
  • Leonard Wolf, A Dream of Dracula (Popular Library, 1972)

(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Label: Vampires

Criminal Vampirism and Cannibalism Throughout History

Throughout history there have been many reports of criminal vampirism and cannibalism. Some as famous as the Hanover Vampire; others not as famous, but as equally intriguing. This essay selects legendary cases of vampirism/cannibalism throughout history. Most of the cases are early twentieth century with the odd classic or modern day case thrown in for contrast.

One of the most infamous vampire related mass murderers was Fritz Haarmann (1879 - 1925), who with his two accomplices was responsible for the deaths of at lest twenty and as many as fifty young men. He was known as a vampire because of his cannibalism and habit of biting his victims in the throat.

He was a child molester and a homosexual, and spent much time in a sanatorium after being discharged from the army. After being released he rejoined the army, this time serving with an elite group, distinguishing himself throughout World War I.

A civilian again during Germany's post war era, he opened a cook shop and worked as an informer. By this time he was already a murderer and then in 1919 he met Hans Grans, a fellow homosexual, who came do dominate Haarmann and lead him into the gaudy underworld of Hanover's homosexual community.

It was here that Haarmann found a seemingly endless supply of prey. He often brought young men home with him and murdered them in a grisly fashion; all under the watchful eye of Grans.

Another mysterious accomplice entered the scene and aided in body disposal. The victims' clothing was sold on by Haarmann, and the most horrid of all acts was that Haarmann actually sold flesh to unsuspecting people for human consumption.

Finally, the police captured him. They visited his lodgings on previous occasions when bodies were hidden just feet away. He confessed his crimes in minute detail, proclaiming insanity but declaring he was forced to commit the crimes whilst in a trance.

Fritz Haarmann was executed in April 1925; ironically he was beheaded, which is one of the most common and affective ways to dispose of a vampire. His brain was removed by officials and given to scientists at the Göttingen University to be studied. This in more ways than one granted him a kind of vampiric immortality in itself.

Another infamous murderer of vampiric connection is John Haigh. He was more commonly known as the Vampire of London and Acid Killer. The case shocked the British public when the details of his crimes came to light.

A onetime choirboy, John George Haigh was the son of a fanatically pious and puritanical family that forced him to lead a life utterly devoid of social activities and filled with threat of eternal punishment for sin. In this environment he grew up repressed, becoming fixated on religion and blood, with the increasingly uncontrollable urge to drink blood.

By the time he was finally caught in 1949, he had murdered nine people, in each case he drank the blood of his victims, including that of a young girl.

Assuming that he could not be prosecuted if there were no bodies, he routinely disposed of the corpses in drums of sulphuric acid, for which he earned the nickname 'Acid Killer'. What made Haigh so horrible in the public's mind was his absence of remorse, his seemingly normal physical appearance and the detailed often unbelievable accounts of his crimes, told in an inhuman matter-of-fact style.

Of gruesome interest was his own recitation of his early life, including his experiences as a junior organist for Wakefield Cathedral, where he spent hours gazing at the statue of the bleeding Christ, dying on the cross. Haigh was also distinguished by the apparent absence of motivational sexual content in his cravings, a characteristic commonly exhibited by other serial killers.

The Hungarian noblewoman Elizabeth Bathory (1560 - 1614) portrayed one of the most historical accounts of vampirism. She was a member of the powerful Bathory family and later became known as the 'Bloody Countess' for her multiple murders and obsession with blood.

Married to the warrior count Ferenz Nadasdy, Bathory spent many nights alone while her husband was fighting the Turks. She developed interests that were beyond obsessive in the subjects of her beauty, pleasure, the occult, and in most depraved kinds of sadism, which were normally directed towards her serving girls, with whom she engaged in acts of lesbianism before murdering them with the help of her lieutenants.

Bathory became convinced that blood held the key to halting the process of her ever-increasing age. This idea came about when she hit out at a servant; the blood that splashed onto her hands seemingly, to her, made the skin smoother and younger looking. Henceforth she believed that drinking, bathing in and showering in the blood of young virgins cured the fact that she was ageing, resulting in the murder of hundreds of servant girls in her service.

The exact amount of virgins she murdered will never be known and various accounts have their ideas; some say as many as several hundred others as few as fifty. Inevitably the truth became known, and in 1610 the countess and her henchmen were arrested, tried and convicted. Her accomplices were executed or imprisoned, and Bathory was walled up in her bedchamber at Castle Csejthe.

Four years later the guards who attended to her peered through the slot used to give her food to discover that she was dead. The 'living vampire' was no more, although her memory was kept alive by legends and tales. Several films were made about here, including Countess Dracula (1971), Blood Castle (1972), and Ceremonia Sangrienta (1972).

Martin Dummolard was a late-nineteenth-century mass murderer in France, known as the 'Monster of Montluel', whose crimes were made more macabre because of the control exercised over him by his obese mistress, Justine Lafayette.

After meeting Justine while in her Lyon boarding house, the youthful, handsome Dummolard fell completely under her spell. They were both necrophiles, Dummolard drinking the blood of his victims and bringing the fleshier parts home, which he served up for Justine.

Despite the terror that broke out in Montluel, he was able to murder some eighty girls. The capture of these 'vampires' in 1888 was followed up by a sensational trail. Justine was guillotined (again the common destruction of vampires - beheading) and Dummolard was confined to an asylum. He died early in this century and is ranked as one of the most hideous of the so-called vampires of history.

Peter Kürten, the so-called 'Vampire of Düsseldorf (1883 - 1931) he was responsible for murdering or assaulting twenty-nine people during his reign of terror that lasted for years, ruining the city's reputation amongst Europeans.

The son of an alcoholic and a long-suffering mother, whom he revered, Kürten worked as a truck driver, appearing as a boring, bespectacled little man with a moustache and neat clothes. As was true with other mass murderers, beneath this quiet exterior lurked his true demeanour as a remorseless killer.

His victims were strangled and raped, then their throats were slit and their blood consumed by Kürten, who sought to find some release from his unstoppable cravings. Eventually marrying a woman who fulfilled his need for a mother figure, he was a devoted husband by day, setting out at night on his ghastly adventures. His murders probably would have continued had he not confessed his crimes to his astonished wife.

The police picked him up after his wife turned him in; he was tried, convicted and sentenced to death, never appealing his conviction. Adding to the horror surrounding Kürten were his letters to the parents of the victims, in which he described how some humans were alcoholics, whereas he needed blood.

The inspiration for the Fritz Lang masterpiece M (1931), Kürten made the statement: "You cannot understand me. No one can understand me." His story was told in the 1964 French-Italian film Le Vampire de Düsseldorf, directed and starring Robert Hossein.

More modern day cases of vampirism/cannibalism, are those of Issei Sagawa known also as the Japanese Cannibal and Jeffrey Dahmer.

Sagawa was a student in Paris who developed an irresistible urge to taste human flesh. In the beginning of his murders a dismembered body was found in a Paris park. Things turned for the worse when police discovered parts of the body had been eaten and that they were dealing with a cannibal.

Sagawa was caught and placed in Henri Colin psychiatric hospital in Villejuif. During his stay at the Henri Colin Asylum, three psychiatrists examined Sagawa. One of them, Dr Bernard Defer, believed there was no cure for perverted sexual fantasies. He told the authorities Sagawa's 'psychosis' was permanent and he would probably have to be kept at Villejuif for the rest of his life, which would have cost the French taxpayer a small fortune. This practical consideration was probably part of the reason why the French authorities decided to get rid of the problem by deporting Sagawa to Japan.

In 1985, Sagawa was deported back to Japan. As he stepped of the plane he was overwhelmed by a mob of journalists and photographers. This was a man who had killed and eaten a woman and to all intense and purposes got away with it. From the airport he was taken to the Matsuzawa Hospital in Tokyo; this was a plan devised by his family to prevent a public outcry. But despite all this people still felt they needed justice.

No one at the hospital was pleased at having to deal with their new patient and the Japanese psychiatrists believed him to be an ordinary sex criminal who had deceived the French into believing he was psychotic and therefor not responsible for his actions. 'I think he is sane and guilty,' declared hospital superintendent Tsuguo Kanego. 'He should be in prison'.

The Japanese applied to Bruguières in Paris for Sagawa's file with a view of bringing him to justice in Japan. However, Bruguières refused to hand over a single document. In due course the Japanese came to the same decision as the French; they washed their hands of the whole incident.

On 12th August 1986, the Matsuzawa Hospital discharged its most notorious patient, as he was only a voluntary patient, into the community to begin his life over again as an ordinary, private citizen.

The Jeffrey Dahmer case is similar to Sagawa's and many others, yet so different in other aspects. Dahmer was the Milwaukee serial killer who killed 17 young men and kept part of their bodies in his home.

Pure chance led police to the home of Jeffery Dahmer in the summer of 1991. What they found inside had the seasoned officers reeling in horror, as they uncovered evidence of years of murder and mutilation. Tracey Edwards, a 32-year-old was nearly Dahmer's 18th victim, but he fortunately escaped and flagged a police car down, which began the investigation into the murders.

After killing each of his victims, Dahmer would decapitate them and he often kept parts of the bodies - torso, skull - in his home. Occasionally he would have oral sex with the corpse before dismembering it. Certain murders were excluded from his trail as he Dahmer was drunk and had no recollection of his actions.

When Dahmer was caught a televised trail began and although it was known by all, including Dahmer himself that he was guilty, it still lasted for three weeks. On the 14th of February 1992 the jury found Dahmer guilty on every charge and sentenced to over nine centuries in prison (quite a lengthy sentence which the folkloric vampire would have easily passed). Dahmer addressed the court with a speech and apologised for the pain he had caused. After spending five minutes with his father and stepmother, he was led away from public view forever.

On the morning of November 28th 1994, Dahmer went to carry out his work detail in the showers of the prison gym and was left for some 20 minutes during which he was not under direct supervision. Dahmer was later found by his guards lying in a blood-spattered shower room with severe head injuries. Despite being rushed to a nearby hospital he was pronounced dead around an hour later.

25-year-old Christopher Scarver, Dahmer's assailant and fellow inmate, claimed that he was the 'Son of God' and had been given divine orders to carry out the murder. He had received a life sentence in 1992 and would not be up for parole until 2042. Scarver was charged for both murders and referred for psychiatric tests.

· · · · ·

All of these cases seem to stem from psychological and obsessive problems. Fritz Haarmann and Martin Dummolard were cases that involved psychological displacement, but harboured the more gruesome fact of actually being talked and mentally pressured into committing the crimes for others as well as themselves.

Bathory is one of the many cases not noted here who's psychological and obsessive was increased more with her interest in sadism and the occult.

Dahmer is a case that is so similar yet so unique. I believe that he was fully aware of his actions and did not have any psychotic disease other than the fact he is seriously unstable.

Sagawa on the other hand is what could be considered as 'curious'. He only killed one person (and although killing is not to be justified it clearly set him apart from the likes of others that killed more than ten times). Despite this it is quite ignorant of the French and Japanese authorities to not at least investigate Sagawa's case further.

I suppose all people have a vampiric/cannibalistic curiosity in their mind, although not everyone will yield to it. All in all no one can be forgiven or forgotten for crimes that involve the consumption of human flesh and blood for means none other than to ease curiosity or the stomach.


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

Diposting oleh Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones di 11.34 0 komentar    

Label: Vampires

Why Vampires Have Fangs?

You're cover-shopping at the bookstore. If you're lucky there's a horror section: otherwise, you may be in sci-fi, fantasy, romance, or that wondrous catchall, "novels." You want to find vampire books, of course. Other than the word "vampire" in the title, what will tip you off? You look at the cover paintings. A masked woman gazes at you haughtily, fangs like an adder's at the corners of her mouth; disembodied red lips smile around the claw-like teeth protruding between them; a gilt-framed portrait could be period art ... except for the tusk-tips resting on the man's lower lip.

[Trivia-lovers, note: These descriptions are based on cover paintings of actual vampire novels. Can you identify them from the descriptions? Answers at the end of the article.
No peeking!]

Fangs.

Other icons are identified with vampires: the silhouette of a bat; a red-lined full-length cape with a chokingly high collar; an exposed neck with two holes (bleeding optional); a single drop of blood depending from a pair of red lips; a widow's peak of black hair; a stake and hammer. But none tell us "vampire" so quickly, so surely, so alluringly as fangs.

Why do those pointy teeth say "vampire" to us? And why do we love them so?

Vampires haven't always had fangs. European vampire lore does not list fangs among the vampire's traits. Historical accounts of vampires include blood in the coffin and blood on the mouth, but no fangs for drawing of said blood. The earliest fictional vampires are similarly fangless. Polidori's description of Lord Ruthven in "The Vampyre" (1819) makes no mention of his teeth; one of the great missed opportunities to mention fangs occurs in John Stagg's 1810 poem "The Vampyre," in which the eponymous fiend is caught in the very act and

Indignant roll'd his ireful eyes, That gleam'd with wild horrific stare.... His jaws cadaverous were besmear'd With clotted carnage o'er and o'er, And all his horrid whole appear'd Distent, and fill'd with human gore!

But no fangs.

Perhaps the earliest literary instance of a fanged vampire occurs in the first chapter of Varney the Vampyre (1840): "With a plunge he seizes her neck in his fang-like teeth...." (That this is indeed an early description is attested by use of the expression "fang-like" to refer to the teeth, as opposed to simply calling them fangs.) A few decades later the eponymous Carmilla (1871) had "the sharpest tooth -- long, thin, pointed like an awl"; "the tooth of a fish." All the vampires of Dracula (1897) had pointy teeth: the three vampire women of the castle, the transformed Lucy, and of course Dracula himself. One of the earliest cinematic vampires, Max Schreck's portrayal of Graf Orlock in Nosferatu (1922) sported prominent ratlike incisor-fangs.

Early vampires of the stage and screen, however, in general did not use dental prosthetics. In the case of the stage, vampire's fangs might not have been practical: anything big enough to see likely would have interfered with an actor's ability to deliver his lines. For movie vampires, however, this need not present a problem. Yet Bela Lugosi's classic portrayal of Dracula did not include fangs, nor indeed did Lugosi ever wear them as part of a vampire role. The first talkie vampire to sport fangs was Atif Kaptan's Drakula in the Turkish production Drakula Istanbulda (1953); the first widely-known portrayal of a fanged movie vampire was Christopher Lee's Dracula in Horror of Dracula (1958).

So even in fiction, even in movies, vampires haven't always had fangs.

And fangs certainly aren't unique to vampires. Many species of animals, from snakes to apes, have two long, pointed upper teeth near the front of the jaw. Even in normal humans the canines are a little longer and sharper than the neighboring teeth. Yet snakes, tigers, chimpanzees, and so forth have no connection to vampires. Vampire bats have canines like many carnivores yet, ironically, they use their incisors to draw blood. And some fictional vampires do not use their teeth for blood-draining: in the movie The Hunger, the "vampires" carried small knives for that purpose.

Fangs are not unique to vampires, are not necessary for drawing blood, do not occur in the earliest Western vampire fiction, and are absent from traditional Western vampire lore. Yet these are foremost among the images (or at least among the foremost images) associated with vampires in popular culture, so essential that artists often violate basic mechanical principles in order to include them in their portrayals of vampires. Look at those book covers again (and stop drooling!). It is not physically possible for vertical fangs to protrude downward between closed human lips as many cover paintings show. But the advertising people want the fangs there. They make for good marketing, if not good mechanics.

None of which answers the question: Why?

Here are some thoughts.

As a visual indicator of the vampire condition, fangs have advantages over most other possible symbols. For one thing, they are, for lack of a better word, 'innate'. A vampire can have fangs without turning into a bat, being swathed in a cape, or wearing an ankh or medallion. And despite their lack of folkloric attestation, fangs for a vampire make intuitive sense. If you're going to drink blood, you've got to get it somehow; what more reasonable than to pierce the skin with something sharp ... like a tooth? Like, in point (ouch!) of fact, a fang?

Fangs give the vampire's appearance an unhuman touch more understated than almost any other animal-like trait could. The fanged vampire is visually a human-animal hybrid, his or her face a human facade that can, in a flash, reveal the gleaming weapons of a beast. And this animal connection may well add to the vampire's appeal, for fangs suggest the strength of the lion, the fierceness of the wolf, the speed of the striking snake. Yet for all their connotations, fangs -- elongated canines -- have an elegant simplicity, a grace that smooths over the raw animal power they represent. A few works of fiction (most notably The Vampire Tapestry by Suzy McKee Charnas) and some lore give the vampire a tongue- prick, but its folkloric authenticity can't compete with the aesthetic appeal of the fang.

Fangs in a vampire's mouth necessarily have phallic overtones, but they lack the penis-like grotesqueness of a pointed or barb-bearing tongue. It's difficult to associate a thrusting tongue with any socially acceptable behavior. Fangs, however, suggest biting, an act that can be performed in public (at least while eating). Although not explicitly sexual, biting retains strong sexual and pre-sexual overtones related to both power and pleasure. Biting with fangs can be considered a sublimated form of sexual intercourse, even of rape. However, the mouth is not merely an erogenous zone: it is the part of the body that we consciously control literally from day one. In Freudian terms, it is associated with the earliest stage of development (oral): oral stimuli, and oral acts, can yield satisfaction at a level even more profound than the purely sexual. Thus biting, the most visceral form of oral aggression, appeals to us at the deepest instinctual level. The tot who wants a Halloween costume with vampire fangs recognizes this, even though he (or she) can't articulate the appeal of those pointy teeth. Phallic interpretations notwithstanding, it may be that their location -- the mouth -- accounts more for their charisma than do the fangs themselves. Whether we fear vampires or identify with them, their fangs intensify our focus on the mouth, whether as an erogenous zone or an instrument of aggression -- or both.

Framed by the snarling lips of a fiend or underlying the kiss of a demon lover, fangs are more than a marketing gimmick (though they certainly are that). They are the steel beneath the velvet, strength and speed, pain and delight, the promise of devouring or being devoured -- all rolled into a snippet of dental enamel. Rather than question why the vampire's fangs appeal to us, perhaps we should ask: how can they not?

How indeed?


About those covers:

I took a little artistic license with my bookstore scenario in the first paragraph: given the varying dates of publication, it's unlikely that all covers described would have been visible in a bookstore at the same time. Here, at any rate, are the "cover vamps" I had in mind:

The masked, fanged woman graces the cover of Domination by Michael Cecilione (Zebra, 1993). The design with disembodied red lips is that of Blood Rites by Elaine Bergstrom (Jove, 1991). Gilt-framed eighteenth century-style paintings appear on P. N. Elrod's Jonathan Barrett paperbacks, all published by Ace: Red Death (1993), Death and the Maiden (1994), Death Masque (1995), and Dance of Death (1996).

Other covers, however, may fit some of these descriptions. Fangs are everywhere!


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

Diposting oleh Aphrodite of The Fallen Ones di 11.31 0 komentar    

Label: Vampires

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Finding My Way


Finding My Way

I was directionless in my life until a young girl's friendship showed me the way.

I started college when I was sixteen years old. It was a big, scary place, and I was young. I remember standing in line for registration with the hordes of other people. I felt so insecure and inadequate next to those who were my supposed peers. How would I ever measure up to these people who seemed so confident and sure of what they wanted?

I didn't have any specific direction. I didn't have a clue as to what I wanted to do or be. College was just the next logical step. I felt very much out of place. To me, these people around me embodied my picture of the consummate college student. They stood there laughing with their friends, a cup of coffee in one hand, the schedule of classes in the other, discussing their options for the upcoming semester. Me, I had a list of classes on a piece of paper that I had painstakingly worked out with my big brother the night before. If I didn't get those particular classes, I was sunk. The idea of having a backup plan never even occurred to me. What would I do? I would just die. I knew that crying wasn't an option - I was in college for heaven's sake! Maybe throwing up would be a more socially acceptable reaction. I was alone, nervous and feeling like a cartoon in a museum of priceless paintings.

When the first week of classes started, I had the daunting task of trying to figure out where my classes were in this city they called a school. I was already exhausted by the overwhelming task of trying to park my car. Feeling awkward, out of place and in a world of logistical nightmares, studying and getting an education were the last things on my mind. But I put one foot in front of the other and prayed I would find some solace somewhere. And I did.

He walked into my life and into the huge auditorium that looked more like a movie theater than a classroom. But instead of taking a seat in the large lecture hall, he continued toward the front of the room to teach the class. He was smart and funny. I started to find any excuse to visit his office. This strange new world started to hold new meaning for me, and I began to explore it with more bravado. That was the good news. The bad news was that I had a crush on a man who was twice my age, married and had a family. But I felt helpless among all these new feelings and experiences I was having. Was this what becoming an adult meant? It all seemed too confusing.

I excelled in his class. One day he asked me if I wanted to help him grade papers, file and do some office work - a teacher's aide of sorts. There was no need to ask me twice. As the weeks passed, we shared lots of time together. I learned how to drink coffee over long philosophical conversations. We became friends.

Much to my surprise, out of the blue, he asked me if I would consider doing some baby-sitting for him. I was getting an invitation to become part of his private world. I was given directions to his house and told to come by that Thursday.

I arrived at his house promptly at six. He greeted me at the door. "Thank you so much for doing this. It's very important to me." He explained that his wife was taking care of her ailing mother and had taken their eight-month-old baby with her. Lily, their six-year-old, needed special care, and he was hoping to find someone who would click with her.

"Lily has cystic fibrosis and spends too much of her little life in bed." My heart just broke as I saw the love he had in his eyes for his little girl.

He took me into her room and, in the middle of a princess bed, sat this fair-haired little angel. She had some sort of breathing apparatus next to her bed that looked strangely out of place. What happened next was something I wasn't prepared for.

"This is the girl I told you about, Sweetie," he signed to his daughter. It turned out that Lily was deaf as well. I panicked. How would I communicate with her? What if there was an emergency?

"Her oral skills are good enough that you will be able to understand her, and you'll probably pick up some sign language. I'll only be gone a couple of hours." He left me with emergency numbers and pertinent information, and then he was gone.

I sat down on the bed with Lily, and her little fingers started flying. I shrugged my shoulders to let her know that I was lost. She smiled sweetly and then started to use her voice. She explained how it was easier to breathe when she let her fingers do her talking. That night I had my first lesson in sign language.

Over the next couple of months, I spent a lot of time with Lily. As I got to know Lily's dad as a father and as a husband, the crush changed. Now I was falling in love with his daughter. She taught me so much: not only how to sign, but also how to appreciate each moment in my life and how worrying over needless things was just stupid. We laughed together when she taught me the sign for stupid, where you take the closed fist of your right hand and knock on the side of your forehead - as if you're knocking to try to get in. She laughed as I made believe that I was hurting myself by knocking on my head too hard. And she would sign, "You hurt yourself just as much when you really do worry." She was wise beyond her years. Besides giving me her love, Lily also gave me direction. I went on to get a bachelor's degree in special education with an emphasis in deaf education.

I remained friends with Lily and her whole family throughout my college years and beyond. The crush I had on my college professor served me very well. I learned a great deal about life at the hands of a young child.

Some years later, I was asked to sign the Lord's Prayer at Lily's funeral. Everyone there told stories about how this one small life made such a big difference to so many. And, as Lily taught me when she showed me the sign for I love you, "Make sure when you use this sign that you really mean it."


(taken from: beliefnet.com)

Filed in Inspiring Words on Mei 13, 2010 · 0 komentar

The Right Guy is...


The Right Guy is...


The kind that will treat you right. The kind that searches for you with all his heart. The kind that respects you and adores you.

Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her. One who can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Because he’s smart enough to know that he already has a girl who has everything that he wants, needs and more.

The right guy will never leave you lonely and wondering. You will always know where you stand with him. He will be your best friend and lover. He’ll call you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night and maybe even tell you a bedtime story to make you laugh or talk to you until you fall asleep.

This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s just to go to the store to buy you your favorite ice cream. He’ll buy you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday and will notice your hair when you’ve gotten it cut or have gotten all gussied up specifically for him.

You deserve a guy who will cherish you. He’d never be afraid to smile to his friends when you’re around and tell them, “She’s the one”. He’d appreciate you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little… like the little love notes you leave him.

He’ll be chivalrous. He’ll wait for you when you’re falling behind, open doors for you and will walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely. He would defend and fight for you and never bail on you when you needed him most.

The right guy will call you beautiful instead of hot, he’ll kiss your forehead when you’re down and he’ll be the one who will love you for everything you are.

Never settle for anything less.

(Taken from: iamblessed.tumblr.com)


Filed in Inspiring Words on Mei 10, 2010 · 0 komentar

The Right One


The Right One

Never settle--wait for the right one, my grandmother advised. I was certain I would know him when I saw him.



My grandma and grandpa celebrated their fifty-fifth anniversary surrounded by their children, grandchildren and a lifetime collection of friends. I thought that Grandma had forgotten anything she may have known about being single. I was wrong.

As she was getting ready for the party, arranging her long white hair in a French twist, my grandma commented, "I'm always surprised when I look in the mirror and see all these wrinkles." Holding her hand over her heart, she added, "In here, I'm still a young woman." She applied bright red lipstick.

I sat on the bed watching her primp. "So, what is the secret of a long, happy marriage?"

She sprayed floral cologne on her wrists. "Don't settle."

I must have looked puzzled.

"Don't settle. That is all you need to know." She tucked a stray wisp of hair in place.

I twisted my own hair around my fingers hoping to coax it into a curl. Turning the page of Grandma's photo album, I saw an out-of-focus photo of nondescript steps. "Where's this?"

"That is where your grandpa proposed to me; we had known each other six weeks. When he first saw me, he told his cousin that he had seen the girl he was going to marry. That was before we had even spoken one word to each other."

"Six weeks?" My images of Edwardian modesty shattered. My grandma was born in 1890. Opposite the picture of the steps was a sepia studio portrait of a ringleted young woman with limpid eyes. That was Grandma, in the high-collared lace blouse, her mouth primly shut, her huge eyes staring off into the unknown future. "I thought people used to have long courtships."

"I had a long courtship, it just wasn't with your grandfather." She giggled. Grandma's eyes had not changed since that young girl held her rigid pose for the photographer.

My grandma was one of thirteen children. Her parents had a large house that Grandma described as a mansion. They were an unusual family for the turn of the century. One of Grandma's sisters was a bookkeeper. Her sister Ceil was an attorney; a plaque on a building in McKeesport, Pennsylvania, marks the site of her office.

Grandma always wanted to be a wife and mother. She was twenty-five when she married my grandfather.

"Grandma, I always thought things were different back then. I thought maybe Grandpa came over and sat around the den or parlor or whatever for years before he proposed."

Grandma smiled and moved closer, just like one of my friends settling in for a good gossip. "I kept company with another man for six years. He kept pushing me to marry him. I kept saying, 'I don't want to leave my mother,' or 'I'm not ready.' I said this, I said that. The truth was, there was no spark. He was nice but...he just wasn't the one."

I leaned forward. The years had fallen off Grandma's voice. Her speech sounded young, expectant.

"Everyone kept saying, 'Annie, so when are we dancing at your wedding?' People talked--people have always liked to talk. There was talk I'd end up an old maid. We took that kind of thing seriously. I didn't say anything. I kept going out with him, but something stopped me from getting engaged. He wasn't the one. My mother was worried about me. I wasn't worried. I knew that there was someone, somewhere. I wasn't ready to settle."

She squeezed my hand.

"So, then I met your grandfather. He saw me out walking with my friends and found--who knows how--that he knew my cousin. In a few days, he managed to come calling with my cousin. I never saw the other man again.

"Six weeks later your grandpa proposed." She started laughing until tears gathered in her eyes. "He said he needed a wife to manage his money. He didn't have two dimes to rub together."

"Did you know that before you married him?" I asked, thinking of the tales I had heard about her well-off parents.

"Of course I knew that. I also knew he was the one I had waited for," she said. She looked at our faces in the ornately framed mirror. In my face she saw the young woman she had been; in her face I saw my future. I kissed Grandma's cheek, knowing I would never settle. I would wait for the right one, and now I was certain I would know him when I saw him.

(taken from beliefnet.com)

Filed in Inspiring Words on · 0 komentar

You're not...



You’re not the breath I breathe, just the sweet scent that I enjoy.
You’re not the sights I see, just the most beautiful of them.
You’re not the water I drink, just the flavor that makes it taste so good.
You’re not the ground I walk on, just the partner I sometimes lean on.
You’re not the blood in my veins, just what makes it burn so sweetly.
You’re not my life, just the one I want to spend it with.
You’re not my world, just the best thing in it.

(taken from: iamblessed.tumblr.com)

Filed in Inspiring Words on Mei 08, 2010 · 0 komentar

The Climb-Miley Cyrus


I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoah

Filed in Lyrics on Mei 07, 2010 · 0 komentar

Essence of a Vampire


First, I think it best to define the essence of the vampire (fictional) before attempting to define the Essence of the Vampyre (magical). In this way, I hope to invite discussion and/or debate on the topic, and to hear from other magicians' experience with this type of magic.

The word "essence," as defined by my Random House Dictionary, is "the basic intrinsic constituent or quality of a thing." It also means "the substance obtained from a plant or drug, by distillation or infusion, and containing its characteristic properties in concentrated form."

When examining the "essence of the vampire," or that which is distilled once we remove various authors' character nuances and personalities, we find certain things in common in most every vampire story: the fact that a living victim had been bitten and killed by a vampire and is now basically a walking corpse with supernatural powers. These powers included turning into mist and shapeshifting, invisibility, mesmerism, superhuman strength, immortality and, of course, a murderous bloodthirst.

In 1819, Dr. John Polidori distilled even further the literary vampire's essence by replacing the ghoulish appearance with an aristocratic one. He further fashioned the personality of his vampire character after the infamous English Romantic poet, Lord George Gordon Noel Byron (1788-1824), for whom he had worked for a time and had grown to dislike by the time he wrote his story. Suddenly, the classic myth of the vampire had become something intriguing and sexually appealing to readers rather than horrific, and the beginnings of the Vampyric archetype was born.

Polidori was the first to utilize the new spelling of "Vampyre," and Polidori's main character, Lord Ruthven, also had the characteristic bloodthirst, as well as more elegant and appealing characteristics. Novelists from then on continued to utilize this breed of vampire in increasingly sexually oriented stories (including Bram Stoker's _Dracula_). Later, screen writers would develop this idea even further with the sensual movie version "Dracula," starring Frank Langella.

For magicians, this Vampyric Essence can be experimented with in many ways. Distilled even further by removing the two remaining negative traits of the vampire, bloodlust and the animated corpse theory, we have an extremely sensual, sexual, aristocratic, magically and physically powerful Being. If one learns to emulate the powers of the vampire while keeping strongly in mind the intrinsic elegance and "Aristocracy of the Blood" that has developed within the archetype over the years, we now have the ingredients for a magical personality/persona known as the Vampyre.

How can these legendary powers be emulated? With only a little magic, imagination and dedication, it is quite easy, actually. "Superhuman" strength can be developed via weight training, using various strengthening and flexibility exercises. "Invisibility" can be learned by studying certain martial arts, such as Ninjutsu. "Shapeshifting" can be accomplished via pathworkings, trance states, and lycanthropic magic, as well as astral projection. Mesmerism can be learned by studying mesmerism and hypnotism, and also through psychology. The "Command to Look" can be practiced by experimenting with styles of dress and cosmetics, and via a projected Will.

Regarding immortality -- well, there are about as many beliefs regarding this as there are individual magicians. Some believe that immortality is achieved by strengthening the Will prior to Death. Some believe "psychic" or "life force" vampirism is necessary. Some believe that all human spirits are already immortal. Some believe all human psyches survive death, but then must know how to survive the "second" or "astral death." The method of this most alluring of the Vampyre's powers must be defined and explored by the individual magician according to their own studies.

Any of these traits taken alone for study and eventual perfection give on an interesting little power to add to their magical "arsenal." However, if one is truly studying the "awakening" of the Vampyric Essence and spends time developing each and all of these various talents, we have the makings of a very powerful magicians. Study never ends, of course, and each new "power" gives the magician just one more tool for self-awareness and evolution. This in turn strengthens the Vampyric talents, which again in turn empower the magician's evolution. This is the evolutionary Path of the Vampyre. (Complexities, and even dangers, of the Path beyond this simple description exist, of course, but are beyond the scope of this post.) The study of the Vampyric Essence is not for everyone. It is merely another Path for personal evolution. The concepts seem to resonate well with some personalities, while the image and archetype are abhorrent to others. Those on this particular magical Path tend to recognize one another, sometimes even before the other magician knows they would find this method intriguing. This is what is known as being "of the Blood." Vampyres tend to recognize kindred spirits.

Your individual Vampyric Essence is what you make of it. Each Vampyre, like each magician, is unique. The Vampyre may be seen as the next stage of human evolution, as the practice of magical Vampyrism (as opposed to vampirism) forces one to transcend common lower human traits and cultivate an aristocratic bearing, eloquence, and pride in Being.

The Path of the Vampyre is based on personal evolution. It's methods and trappings are sometimes Gothic-Victorian, though without the restriction and repression of these times in history. Emphasis is placed on the love of life, and conversely, the Understanding that Death is not to an experience to long for, but is merely a moment of great change. Vampyres tend to believe in immortality of the psyche, and live their lives based on this knowledge. And with this realization of the reality of continual evolution, an ever higher and exhalted state of Being is continually sought.


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

Filed in Vampires on April 25, 2010 · 0 komentar

Real Vampires


"Real Vampires"- how can this be anything but a contradiction in terms? We all know about vampires. Stock characters of fiction, guaranteed box-office draws, the media vampire has been familiar to us since childhood. Generally speaking, our blood-suckers appear with a tongue planted firmly in one toothy cheek-from Bela Lugosi hamming it up in the 1950's, to last summer's teenage "vamp" movies, to Count Chocula breakfast cereal, the media seldom treat the vampire as truly fearsome. The stereotyped vampire traits are familiar to any child: vampires have big fangs, sleep in coffins, are instantly incinerated by sunlight, and are best dispatched by a stake through the heart. But the most important "fact" that we all know of course is that there are no such things.

Of course, in terms of the mythical, literary and cinematic conventions, we are correct: there are no "legions of the undead" stalking the unwary. We have explained the folklore with politics, misunderstood diseases, and hysteria, the literary and cinematic images with psychology, history, and sociology. We of the 20th century are confident that vampires could not really exist. But then, most of us are never forced to think otherwise. For a number of people, the concept of vampires becomes a critical and often lifelong concern. To live with, love, or befriend a real vampire is to encounter a set of problems which may demand expanding the boundaries of one's accepted reality. To come to terms with being a real vampire oneself is to face a lifetime's karmic challenge.

Some people reading this article already know this. The rest are probably thinking, "Real Vampires, give me a break! Sure, there are some pretty weird people out there, but all they need is a good therapist." Yes, there are people who take on all the trappings of a gothic novel: dressing in black, claiming or pretending to be "vampires" in the supernatural sense, wearing capes, sleeping in boxes, even getting their teeth capped. There are more frightening people who seek to torture or kill animals or human beings in order to gain power, emotional release or sexual thrill, and who sometimes call themselves (or are called) "vampires". But most of these individuals are troubled people who have been attracted by the cultural myths about the vampire: supernatural powers (because they feel powerless), overwhelming sexuality (because most of them have sexual issues and no true relationships), immortality (because they fear aging and death). Individuals like these are the most recent "explanation" for humanity's persistent belief in vampires. But beyond and behind all the folklore, the psychological theories, the role playing, even the traditional spiritual assumptions, lies the real truth about vampires.

The field of vampirology is complex and mysterious. There are many aspects to the vampire phenomenon, and they would require several books to fully explore. One aspect of vampirism which frequently troubles magickal, spiritual and other small groups, the most common form of vampire, is found among living people who share with us the benefits and disadvantages of physical existence on this plane, yet are not quite human. These people appear on the surface to be somewhat eccentric members of society, yet their outward idiosyncrasies only hint at how different they are from those around them.

Each of us incarnates for a lifetime with a certain way of relating to the physical world through the vehicle of our physical body. A vampire is a person born with an extraordinary capacity to absorb, channel, transform, and manipulate "pranic energy" or life force. She also has a critical energy imbalance which reels wildly from deficit to overload and back again. This capacity for handling energy is a gift, but the constant imbalance of her own system is the cause of the negative behavior patterns and characteristics which may be notable about a vampiric person.

Real vampires do not necessarily drink blood-in fact, most of them do not. Blood-drinking and vampirism have been confused to the extent that for the average person, a vampire is defined as something that drinks blood (such as a "vampire bat"). But when we look beyond casual assumptions to the details of common beliefs, we find something quite different. Throughout both folklore and literature, there is an understanding that vampires require energy or life force. Many old folktales accept that vampires suck blood, yet never describe this actually happening. The victims slowly decline and waste away, and the survivors assume that some evil fiend is draining them of blood. They know that the Bible says, "the blood is the life", and anyone who was losing their life force must be losing blood. Yet, in many instances the vampire's "attack" does not even involve physical contact. In others, it is clearly sexual energy which is exchanged.1

Fresh blood is the highest known source of pranic energy (life force).2 Human beings have practiced blood-drinking for many reasons throughout history, but drinking blood alone does not indicate that a person is a vampire. Only real vampires can directly absorb the pranic energy in fresh blood, and for this reason some real vampires are attracted to blood and find different means of obtaining it.3 However, it is a rare vampire who cannot absorb energy in much more subtle ways. This is the mechanism that causes real vampires to inflict harm on others and themselves if they fail to recognize what is happening and do conscious work on transforming their inner natures. Vampires are no more likely to be either malicious or spiritually aware than the general population, but without awareness, they can spend their lives making themselves and others unhappy, and will continue to incarnate in this pattern until they take action to change it.

There are a number of external symptoms of vampirism, but it is important to realize that some of them are found in ordinary human behavior. Real vampires are identifiable partly because they have a majority of the symptoms, not just one or two. But more significantly, real vampires are distinguished by a certain quality to the energy. While anyone reading a description of the symptoms and behavior patterns might find a few that apply to people he knows, or even to himself, real vampires have a way of standing out vividly to everyone who interacts with them. There are few people who do not know at least one vampire.

Physically, vampires are usually "night people"" on a biochemical level. They have inverted circadian rhythms, with body cycles such as temperature peaks, menstrual onset, and the production of sleep hormones in the brain occurring at the opposite time of day from most people. They have difficulty adjusting to daytime schedules and frequently work nights. They tend to be photosensitive, avoiding sunlight, sunburning easily, and having excellent night vision. Their vitality ranges widely, and they can be vigorous and active one day, depressed and languorous the next.

They frequently have digestive trouble. Even those with cast-iron stomachs have many issues with food that are rooted in their constant hunger for energy. Contrary to the image of the vampire as thin, many real vampires are troubled by obesity because of a hunger that makes them food addicts, and a system that is sluggish in processing physical food. They are also sometimes troubled by other substance addictions for the same reasons, but since their systems are tuned to pranic energy more than to processing physical substance, they may not be as sensitive to drugs and alcohol as an ordinary person would be.

Emotionally and physically, vampires are unpredictable, moody, temperamental and overwhelming. The major distinguishing characteristic of real vampires as opposed to ordinary people who share those qualities is the vampire's intensity. Vampires are extremely intense people. They are frequently given nicknames such as "the black hole." When others talk about them (usually to complain about them), vampires are often described by such terms as "needy," "attention-seeking," "grandstanding," "manipulative," "exhausting," "draining," "monopolizes the conversation," "jealous," "huge ego," and so on. A vampire's emotions are deep, fervent, and powerful, and she usually displays great psychic ability and has uncontrolled magickal and psychic experiences. Vampires are also empaths, and while they remain unconscious of their natures, they are frequently "psychic sponges" who simply absorb vibrations from everywhere, with the expected emotional instability resulting.

A "hungry" vampire -- one whose energy level is imbalanced to the deficit side -- becomes an involuntary psychic vortex, drawing all pranic energy in the area towards her. When the energy does not flow in fast enough -- and it is typical of vampires that the energy never flows fast enough for them -- she will begin manifesting behavior patterns to increase the amount of conscious attention she gets from others. For this reason, some vampires develop a pattern of being aggressively confrontational, or of constantly antagonizing people with whom they have relationships. Nearly all vampires, whatever ploys they use, have a talent for attracting (or distracting) the attention of everyone present.

Once a vampire overloads on energy, she reverses her behavior patterns. She may become morose, silent, withdrawn and introverted. Some vampires become maniacally cheerful when they are satiated, but even their good moods seem to annoy others, and it is more typical for vampires to be infamous as wet blankets. "Hungry" and "overload" phases can occur within a few minutes or last for days at a time. Vampires are commonly loners, in part because they feel so different from those around them, but also because they have a need to control the degree of contact they have with sources of energy.

Real vampires are not the demonic fiends of Christianized folklore, but as long as they refuse to accept their inner nature, their bad reputation is not undeserved. Unconscious vampires have a tendency to reach adulthood with less than the average level of social skill and general finesse, and tend to be selfish and self-centered. The demands of their own energy systems are so distracting to them that it is difficult for them to pay attention to the needs of others. Their relationships tend to be disasters. Different vampires develop different patterns according to what works best for them in their life situation, but several patterns are common. The "femme fatale" or "lady-killer" vampire forms a continuous series of sexual connections with one partner at a time, dropping each unfortunate lover as they become too exhausted (or defensive) to support the vampire's energy needs. Other vampires form a long-term relationship with a single person: either another vampire whose energy cycle complements their own, or a person who derives satisfaction from being a psychic servant or martyr. A common pattern, especially in young adults, is to continuously join social, religious, political and magickal groups and either blow them apart or end up being thrown out. Vampires may go through roommates, housing situations, magickal groups, jobs and lovers like so much Kleenex.

Many people find that they feel "creepy" or "weird" around a vampire. This is usually due to the effects of one's own life force being drawn towards the vampire's vortex. Most people feel uncomfortable and distracted when their energy is pulled away from themselves. In addition to this, a common result of such an energy drain is for the aura to pull in tightly towards the body, and this causes a prickling sensation on the skin -- the "creepy-crawlies."

It is no more common for vampires to be psychopaths or killers than it is for any random person on the street. However, a prolonged, or very involved, relationship with a vampire can put a severe strain on the emotional and psychic energy systems of an ordinary person. Folklore suggests that victims of a vampire become vampires themselves. In reality, people who have been seriously "drained" -- that is, have had their own energy pulled off balance into a deficit -- also become psychic vortices which pull life force away from other living things. However, they are never as powerful as a true vampire, and unlike vampires, quickly recover and stabilize. True vampires are born the way they are -- no one can be "turned into a vampire." However, years of energy depletion can lead to health problems ranging from depression and malaise to a suppressed immune system and susceptibility to serious illnesses. Most people will break off the relationship before it gets that far.

Many vampires are attracted to magickal paths. In a magickal working group, their ability to wreak havoc is increased because of the psychic openness and trust that exist there. But there can be a benefit, as well. Some vampires become aware of their true natures and choose to undertake serious work to transform themselves. As soon as they begin doing so, they become more acceptable working partners and companions. Once in control of their capacity for handling energy, they become extraordinary magicians and healers. Their ability to hold the attention of others gives them the potential to be fine leaders and teachers. Ultimately, the purpose of vampires is not to plague the universe but to facilitate its healing. Vampirism is the dark, or unfocused, side of a certain kind of psychic talent, one which has been developing for many lifetimes. It is destructive only when a vampire either refuses to face the truth about herself and work with her abilities, or when she chooses to play out a sinister role because of the illusion of power it gives her.

Because of this, many of the vampire characteristics described above are far less evident in the most powerful vampires, the ones who have done considerable work on their inner selves. Many of these are poised, pleasant, competent individuals, with great personal power. They have come to terms with who and what they are, and no longer exhibit the negative qualities associated with "psychic vampirism." 4 Unfortunately, unconscious vampires are far more common than evolved ones, and it is these troubled souls who more usually appear in magickal groups.

There is no "generic advice" to give those who believe they may be dealing with a real vampire. Those who are so inclined might try to help a friend or fellow group member explore their inner nature and come to terms with their destructive behaviors. Those who feel victimized can choose to end the relationship. Each case is different, and can only be judged by the individuals concerned. But it is important for anyone involved in magickal or psychic work to understand that vampires are a real phenomenon, and that, like all perils, they should not be greeted with fear or anger. Nothing is evil by nature -- only by choice. Terror of discovery (followed by ridicule or rejection) inhibits the self-development of many real vampires. When they reach out for friendship, they are often reaching out for help.

A person who believes she may be a real vampire herself has a long and difficult process ahead of her. The most important step on her path is complete self-awareness: of her relationships, patterns, energy levels, and all other personal qualities. The most challenging work may often be summarized in the simplest of terms. Knowledge, awareness, and control are the lessons real vampires must learn in order to harness their abilities. If real vampires are not the immortals of fiction, they can at least be confident of one thing: for better or worse, they will keep the qualities they develop for many lives to come.

NOTE: The author welcomes inquiries from readers
with a personal interest in the subject of vampirism.
She is available at vyrdolak@net1plus.com.
Readers wishing for more information about vampire lore
in general are referred to the Bibliography.

NOTES

  1. For a thorough examination of traditional vampire folklore, see the works of Montague Summers and Anthony Masters.
  2. Other high sources of pranic energy include semen, fresh fruits and vegetables, and the breath of living animals. Meat -- filled with chemicals, long dead, refrigerated, frozen and "aged" (partially decomposed) as it is -- contains almost none. Many real vampires, aside from drinking blood, are vegetarians.
  3. For a somewhat flawed but interesting look at blood-drinking and vampirism, see Stephen Kaplan. Leonard Wolf explores this subject from a more philosophical and personal viewpoint.
  4. This is not to suggest that even evolved vampires are always comfortable to be around. They remain unpredictable, intense, emotional, and altogether overwhelming personalities. Most are remarkable sexually, and all still draw energy, although they can generally control this to some extent. Furthermore, this article is not intended to mislead -- real vampires, even evolved ones, do sometimes drink blood in order to obtain their energy. Those who understand the many ways that life "gives way" to nurture more life will see this as no more unnatural than eating live vegetables or animals for food.

PARTIAL BIBLIOGRAPHY

  • Stephen Kaplan, Vampires Are (ETC Publications, 1984)
    Anthony Masters, The Natural History of the Vampire (Berkley Publishing Corp., 1972)
  • Raymond T. McNally and Radu Florescu, In Search of Dracula (New York Graphic Society, 1972)
    Montague Summers, The Vampire: His Kith and Kin (University Books, 1960)
  • Montague Summers, The Vampire in Europe (The Aquarian Press Limited, 1980)
  • James B. Twitchell, The Living Dead: A Study of the Vampire in Romantic Literature (Duke University Press, 1981)
  • Leonard Wolf, A Dream of Dracula (Popular Library, 1972)

(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Criminal Vampirism and Cannibalism Throughout History


Throughout history there have been many reports of criminal vampirism and cannibalism. Some as famous as the Hanover Vampire; others not as famous, but as equally intriguing. This essay selects legendary cases of vampirism/cannibalism throughout history. Most of the cases are early twentieth century with the odd classic or modern day case thrown in for contrast.

One of the most infamous vampire related mass murderers was Fritz Haarmann (1879 - 1925), who with his two accomplices was responsible for the deaths of at lest twenty and as many as fifty young men. He was known as a vampire because of his cannibalism and habit of biting his victims in the throat.

He was a child molester and a homosexual, and spent much time in a sanatorium after being discharged from the army. After being released he rejoined the army, this time serving with an elite group, distinguishing himself throughout World War I.

A civilian again during Germany's post war era, he opened a cook shop and worked as an informer. By this time he was already a murderer and then in 1919 he met Hans Grans, a fellow homosexual, who came do dominate Haarmann and lead him into the gaudy underworld of Hanover's homosexual community.

It was here that Haarmann found a seemingly endless supply of prey. He often brought young men home with him and murdered them in a grisly fashion; all under the watchful eye of Grans.

Another mysterious accomplice entered the scene and aided in body disposal. The victims' clothing was sold on by Haarmann, and the most horrid of all acts was that Haarmann actually sold flesh to unsuspecting people for human consumption.

Finally, the police captured him. They visited his lodgings on previous occasions when bodies were hidden just feet away. He confessed his crimes in minute detail, proclaiming insanity but declaring he was forced to commit the crimes whilst in a trance.

Fritz Haarmann was executed in April 1925; ironically he was beheaded, which is one of the most common and affective ways to dispose of a vampire. His brain was removed by officials and given to scientists at the Göttingen University to be studied. This in more ways than one granted him a kind of vampiric immortality in itself.

Another infamous murderer of vampiric connection is John Haigh. He was more commonly known as the Vampire of London and Acid Killer. The case shocked the British public when the details of his crimes came to light.

A onetime choirboy, John George Haigh was the son of a fanatically pious and puritanical family that forced him to lead a life utterly devoid of social activities and filled with threat of eternal punishment for sin. In this environment he grew up repressed, becoming fixated on religion and blood, with the increasingly uncontrollable urge to drink blood.

By the time he was finally caught in 1949, he had murdered nine people, in each case he drank the blood of his victims, including that of a young girl.

Assuming that he could not be prosecuted if there were no bodies, he routinely disposed of the corpses in drums of sulphuric acid, for which he earned the nickname 'Acid Killer'. What made Haigh so horrible in the public's mind was his absence of remorse, his seemingly normal physical appearance and the detailed often unbelievable accounts of his crimes, told in an inhuman matter-of-fact style.

Of gruesome interest was his own recitation of his early life, including his experiences as a junior organist for Wakefield Cathedral, where he spent hours gazing at the statue of the bleeding Christ, dying on the cross. Haigh was also distinguished by the apparent absence of motivational sexual content in his cravings, a characteristic commonly exhibited by other serial killers.

The Hungarian noblewoman Elizabeth Bathory (1560 - 1614) portrayed one of the most historical accounts of vampirism. She was a member of the powerful Bathory family and later became known as the 'Bloody Countess' for her multiple murders and obsession with blood.

Married to the warrior count Ferenz Nadasdy, Bathory spent many nights alone while her husband was fighting the Turks. She developed interests that were beyond obsessive in the subjects of her beauty, pleasure, the occult, and in most depraved kinds of sadism, which were normally directed towards her serving girls, with whom she engaged in acts of lesbianism before murdering them with the help of her lieutenants.

Bathory became convinced that blood held the key to halting the process of her ever-increasing age. This idea came about when she hit out at a servant; the blood that splashed onto her hands seemingly, to her, made the skin smoother and younger looking. Henceforth she believed that drinking, bathing in and showering in the blood of young virgins cured the fact that she was ageing, resulting in the murder of hundreds of servant girls in her service.

The exact amount of virgins she murdered will never be known and various accounts have their ideas; some say as many as several hundred others as few as fifty. Inevitably the truth became known, and in 1610 the countess and her henchmen were arrested, tried and convicted. Her accomplices were executed or imprisoned, and Bathory was walled up in her bedchamber at Castle Csejthe.

Four years later the guards who attended to her peered through the slot used to give her food to discover that she was dead. The 'living vampire' was no more, although her memory was kept alive by legends and tales. Several films were made about here, including Countess Dracula (1971), Blood Castle (1972), and Ceremonia Sangrienta (1972).

Martin Dummolard was a late-nineteenth-century mass murderer in France, known as the 'Monster of Montluel', whose crimes were made more macabre because of the control exercised over him by his obese mistress, Justine Lafayette.

After meeting Justine while in her Lyon boarding house, the youthful, handsome Dummolard fell completely under her spell. They were both necrophiles, Dummolard drinking the blood of his victims and bringing the fleshier parts home, which he served up for Justine.

Despite the terror that broke out in Montluel, he was able to murder some eighty girls. The capture of these 'vampires' in 1888 was followed up by a sensational trail. Justine was guillotined (again the common destruction of vampires - beheading) and Dummolard was confined to an asylum. He died early in this century and is ranked as one of the most hideous of the so-called vampires of history.

Peter Kürten, the so-called 'Vampire of Düsseldorf (1883 - 1931) he was responsible for murdering or assaulting twenty-nine people during his reign of terror that lasted for years, ruining the city's reputation amongst Europeans.

The son of an alcoholic and a long-suffering mother, whom he revered, Kürten worked as a truck driver, appearing as a boring, bespectacled little man with a moustache and neat clothes. As was true with other mass murderers, beneath this quiet exterior lurked his true demeanour as a remorseless killer.

His victims were strangled and raped, then their throats were slit and their blood consumed by Kürten, who sought to find some release from his unstoppable cravings. Eventually marrying a woman who fulfilled his need for a mother figure, he was a devoted husband by day, setting out at night on his ghastly adventures. His murders probably would have continued had he not confessed his crimes to his astonished wife.

The police picked him up after his wife turned him in; he was tried, convicted and sentenced to death, never appealing his conviction. Adding to the horror surrounding Kürten were his letters to the parents of the victims, in which he described how some humans were alcoholics, whereas he needed blood.

The inspiration for the Fritz Lang masterpiece M (1931), Kürten made the statement: "You cannot understand me. No one can understand me." His story was told in the 1964 French-Italian film Le Vampire de Düsseldorf, directed and starring Robert Hossein.

More modern day cases of vampirism/cannibalism, are those of Issei Sagawa known also as the Japanese Cannibal and Jeffrey Dahmer.

Sagawa was a student in Paris who developed an irresistible urge to taste human flesh. In the beginning of his murders a dismembered body was found in a Paris park. Things turned for the worse when police discovered parts of the body had been eaten and that they were dealing with a cannibal.

Sagawa was caught and placed in Henri Colin psychiatric hospital in Villejuif. During his stay at the Henri Colin Asylum, three psychiatrists examined Sagawa. One of them, Dr Bernard Defer, believed there was no cure for perverted sexual fantasies. He told the authorities Sagawa's 'psychosis' was permanent and he would probably have to be kept at Villejuif for the rest of his life, which would have cost the French taxpayer a small fortune. This practical consideration was probably part of the reason why the French authorities decided to get rid of the problem by deporting Sagawa to Japan.

In 1985, Sagawa was deported back to Japan. As he stepped of the plane he was overwhelmed by a mob of journalists and photographers. This was a man who had killed and eaten a woman and to all intense and purposes got away with it. From the airport he was taken to the Matsuzawa Hospital in Tokyo; this was a plan devised by his family to prevent a public outcry. But despite all this people still felt they needed justice.

No one at the hospital was pleased at having to deal with their new patient and the Japanese psychiatrists believed him to be an ordinary sex criminal who had deceived the French into believing he was psychotic and therefor not responsible for his actions. 'I think he is sane and guilty,' declared hospital superintendent Tsuguo Kanego. 'He should be in prison'.

The Japanese applied to Bruguières in Paris for Sagawa's file with a view of bringing him to justice in Japan. However, Bruguières refused to hand over a single document. In due course the Japanese came to the same decision as the French; they washed their hands of the whole incident.

On 12th August 1986, the Matsuzawa Hospital discharged its most notorious patient, as he was only a voluntary patient, into the community to begin his life over again as an ordinary, private citizen.

The Jeffrey Dahmer case is similar to Sagawa's and many others, yet so different in other aspects. Dahmer was the Milwaukee serial killer who killed 17 young men and kept part of their bodies in his home.

Pure chance led police to the home of Jeffery Dahmer in the summer of 1991. What they found inside had the seasoned officers reeling in horror, as they uncovered evidence of years of murder and mutilation. Tracey Edwards, a 32-year-old was nearly Dahmer's 18th victim, but he fortunately escaped and flagged a police car down, which began the investigation into the murders.

After killing each of his victims, Dahmer would decapitate them and he often kept parts of the bodies - torso, skull - in his home. Occasionally he would have oral sex with the corpse before dismembering it. Certain murders were excluded from his trail as he Dahmer was drunk and had no recollection of his actions.

When Dahmer was caught a televised trail began and although it was known by all, including Dahmer himself that he was guilty, it still lasted for three weeks. On the 14th of February 1992 the jury found Dahmer guilty on every charge and sentenced to over nine centuries in prison (quite a lengthy sentence which the folkloric vampire would have easily passed). Dahmer addressed the court with a speech and apologised for the pain he had caused. After spending five minutes with his father and stepmother, he was led away from public view forever.

On the morning of November 28th 1994, Dahmer went to carry out his work detail in the showers of the prison gym and was left for some 20 minutes during which he was not under direct supervision. Dahmer was later found by his guards lying in a blood-spattered shower room with severe head injuries. Despite being rushed to a nearby hospital he was pronounced dead around an hour later.

25-year-old Christopher Scarver, Dahmer's assailant and fellow inmate, claimed that he was the 'Son of God' and had been given divine orders to carry out the murder. He had received a life sentence in 1992 and would not be up for parole until 2042. Scarver was charged for both murders and referred for psychiatric tests.

· · · · ·

All of these cases seem to stem from psychological and obsessive problems. Fritz Haarmann and Martin Dummolard were cases that involved psychological displacement, but harboured the more gruesome fact of actually being talked and mentally pressured into committing the crimes for others as well as themselves.

Bathory is one of the many cases not noted here who's psychological and obsessive was increased more with her interest in sadism and the occult.

Dahmer is a case that is so similar yet so unique. I believe that he was fully aware of his actions and did not have any psychotic disease other than the fact he is seriously unstable.

Sagawa on the other hand is what could be considered as 'curious'. He only killed one person (and although killing is not to be justified it clearly set him apart from the likes of others that killed more than ten times). Despite this it is quite ignorant of the French and Japanese authorities to not at least investigate Sagawa's case further.

I suppose all people have a vampiric/cannibalistic curiosity in their mind, although not everyone will yield to it. All in all no one can be forgiven or forgotten for crimes that involve the consumption of human flesh and blood for means none other than to ease curiosity or the stomach.


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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Why Vampires Have Fangs?


You're cover-shopping at the bookstore. If you're lucky there's a horror section: otherwise, you may be in sci-fi, fantasy, romance, or that wondrous catchall, "novels." You want to find vampire books, of course. Other than the word "vampire" in the title, what will tip you off? You look at the cover paintings. A masked woman gazes at you haughtily, fangs like an adder's at the corners of her mouth; disembodied red lips smile around the claw-like teeth protruding between them; a gilt-framed portrait could be period art ... except for the tusk-tips resting on the man's lower lip.

[Trivia-lovers, note: These descriptions are based on cover paintings of actual vampire novels. Can you identify them from the descriptions? Answers at the end of the article.
No peeking!]

Fangs.

Other icons are identified with vampires: the silhouette of a bat; a red-lined full-length cape with a chokingly high collar; an exposed neck with two holes (bleeding optional); a single drop of blood depending from a pair of red lips; a widow's peak of black hair; a stake and hammer. But none tell us "vampire" so quickly, so surely, so alluringly as fangs.

Why do those pointy teeth say "vampire" to us? And why do we love them so?

Vampires haven't always had fangs. European vampire lore does not list fangs among the vampire's traits. Historical accounts of vampires include blood in the coffin and blood on the mouth, but no fangs for drawing of said blood. The earliest fictional vampires are similarly fangless. Polidori's description of Lord Ruthven in "The Vampyre" (1819) makes no mention of his teeth; one of the great missed opportunities to mention fangs occurs in John Stagg's 1810 poem "The Vampyre," in which the eponymous fiend is caught in the very act and

Indignant roll'd his ireful eyes, That gleam'd with wild horrific stare.... His jaws cadaverous were besmear'd With clotted carnage o'er and o'er, And all his horrid whole appear'd Distent, and fill'd with human gore!

But no fangs.

Perhaps the earliest literary instance of a fanged vampire occurs in the first chapter of Varney the Vampyre (1840): "With a plunge he seizes her neck in his fang-like teeth...." (That this is indeed an early description is attested by use of the expression "fang-like" to refer to the teeth, as opposed to simply calling them fangs.) A few decades later the eponymous Carmilla (1871) had "the sharpest tooth -- long, thin, pointed like an awl"; "the tooth of a fish." All the vampires of Dracula (1897) had pointy teeth: the three vampire women of the castle, the transformed Lucy, and of course Dracula himself. One of the earliest cinematic vampires, Max Schreck's portrayal of Graf Orlock in Nosferatu (1922) sported prominent ratlike incisor-fangs.

Early vampires of the stage and screen, however, in general did not use dental prosthetics. In the case of the stage, vampire's fangs might not have been practical: anything big enough to see likely would have interfered with an actor's ability to deliver his lines. For movie vampires, however, this need not present a problem. Yet Bela Lugosi's classic portrayal of Dracula did not include fangs, nor indeed did Lugosi ever wear them as part of a vampire role. The first talkie vampire to sport fangs was Atif Kaptan's Drakula in the Turkish production Drakula Istanbulda (1953); the first widely-known portrayal of a fanged movie vampire was Christopher Lee's Dracula in Horror of Dracula (1958).

So even in fiction, even in movies, vampires haven't always had fangs.

And fangs certainly aren't unique to vampires. Many species of animals, from snakes to apes, have two long, pointed upper teeth near the front of the jaw. Even in normal humans the canines are a little longer and sharper than the neighboring teeth. Yet snakes, tigers, chimpanzees, and so forth have no connection to vampires. Vampire bats have canines like many carnivores yet, ironically, they use their incisors to draw blood. And some fictional vampires do not use their teeth for blood-draining: in the movie The Hunger, the "vampires" carried small knives for that purpose.

Fangs are not unique to vampires, are not necessary for drawing blood, do not occur in the earliest Western vampire fiction, and are absent from traditional Western vampire lore. Yet these are foremost among the images (or at least among the foremost images) associated with vampires in popular culture, so essential that artists often violate basic mechanical principles in order to include them in their portrayals of vampires. Look at those book covers again (and stop drooling!). It is not physically possible for vertical fangs to protrude downward between closed human lips as many cover paintings show. But the advertising people want the fangs there. They make for good marketing, if not good mechanics.

None of which answers the question: Why?

Here are some thoughts.

As a visual indicator of the vampire condition, fangs have advantages over most other possible symbols. For one thing, they are, for lack of a better word, 'innate'. A vampire can have fangs without turning into a bat, being swathed in a cape, or wearing an ankh or medallion. And despite their lack of folkloric attestation, fangs for a vampire make intuitive sense. If you're going to drink blood, you've got to get it somehow; what more reasonable than to pierce the skin with something sharp ... like a tooth? Like, in point (ouch!) of fact, a fang?

Fangs give the vampire's appearance an unhuman touch more understated than almost any other animal-like trait could. The fanged vampire is visually a human-animal hybrid, his or her face a human facade that can, in a flash, reveal the gleaming weapons of a beast. And this animal connection may well add to the vampire's appeal, for fangs suggest the strength of the lion, the fierceness of the wolf, the speed of the striking snake. Yet for all their connotations, fangs -- elongated canines -- have an elegant simplicity, a grace that smooths over the raw animal power they represent. A few works of fiction (most notably The Vampire Tapestry by Suzy McKee Charnas) and some lore give the vampire a tongue- prick, but its folkloric authenticity can't compete with the aesthetic appeal of the fang.

Fangs in a vampire's mouth necessarily have phallic overtones, but they lack the penis-like grotesqueness of a pointed or barb-bearing tongue. It's difficult to associate a thrusting tongue with any socially acceptable behavior. Fangs, however, suggest biting, an act that can be performed in public (at least while eating). Although not explicitly sexual, biting retains strong sexual and pre-sexual overtones related to both power and pleasure. Biting with fangs can be considered a sublimated form of sexual intercourse, even of rape. However, the mouth is not merely an erogenous zone: it is the part of the body that we consciously control literally from day one. In Freudian terms, it is associated with the earliest stage of development (oral): oral stimuli, and oral acts, can yield satisfaction at a level even more profound than the purely sexual. Thus biting, the most visceral form of oral aggression, appeals to us at the deepest instinctual level. The tot who wants a Halloween costume with vampire fangs recognizes this, even though he (or she) can't articulate the appeal of those pointy teeth. Phallic interpretations notwithstanding, it may be that their location -- the mouth -- accounts more for their charisma than do the fangs themselves. Whether we fear vampires or identify with them, their fangs intensify our focus on the mouth, whether as an erogenous zone or an instrument of aggression -- or both.

Framed by the snarling lips of a fiend or underlying the kiss of a demon lover, fangs are more than a marketing gimmick (though they certainly are that). They are the steel beneath the velvet, strength and speed, pain and delight, the promise of devouring or being devoured -- all rolled into a snippet of dental enamel. Rather than question why the vampire's fangs appeal to us, perhaps we should ask: how can they not?

How indeed?


About those covers:

I took a little artistic license with my bookstore scenario in the first paragraph: given the varying dates of publication, it's unlikely that all covers described would have been visible in a bookstore at the same time. Here, at any rate, are the "cover vamps" I had in mind:

The masked, fanged woman graces the cover of Domination by Michael Cecilione (Zebra, 1993). The design with disembodied red lips is that of Blood Rites by Elaine Bergstrom (Jove, 1991). Gilt-framed eighteenth century-style paintings appear on P. N. Elrod's Jonathan Barrett paperbacks, all published by Ace: Red Death (1993), Death and the Maiden (1994), Death Masque (1995), and Dance of Death (1996).

Other covers, however, may fit some of these descriptions. Fangs are everywhere!


(taken from: vampirewine.com)

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